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Sunday, December 20, 2009

These Hours

I don't know why I chose these hours at night to start a thought process. Maybe it's the fact that the kids are asleep, Dion is asleep, and all I hear are the sounds of my fingers hitting the keyboard and an occasional animal licking themselves.

Anyway, I am still suffering a little after effects from my test on Friday. I am hoping they pass by tomorrow as I have a lot I need to get done for the holiday. As a side note, I did tell my doctor during the procedure that she was killing me. She wasn't, it just that I'm such a wuss.

Ok, onto a topic that has been keeping me up at night, thinking, wondering, praying. There is a high probability that my father in law has prostate cancer. He has not had a biopsy done, this is just from blood work he had done. I don't think he is going to have a biopsy done. I don't think he is going to do anything about this issue that has come up. What I do know is that we, his family, are having a hard time with this whole situation. As a cancer club member, I am at a loss for words. I cannot wrap my brain around the idea that someone might have cancer, and that they are refusing to do anything (ANYTHING) about it. You know, if he had the biopsy done and decided he didn't want treatment then there's not much we can do about that. But the fact that he is contemplating not even getting a biopsy just blows me out of the water. This is important information for his kids to have. For my husband to have. He has given the excuse that it's a ploy for the doctors to get money out of him, and that he could get an infection from having a biopsy, but Oh. My. God.

What he doesn't seem to understand, dare I say care, about is what this is doing to his family. He said he is going to drink some type of special tea. Tea. And that is going to take care of everything. I look back 5 years ago when my club membership started, and I cannot fathom NOT doing whatever I had to do to live through it. I had kids, a husband, family, that I owed at least trying to make it out alive for. And I did do everything, but one thing that even my oncologist did not recommend.

Every once in a while my girls will sit holding their picture of my dad, crying, telling me how much they miss him. To lose another Grandpa, so soon, would be.....sigh.

Again, this is his right, but that doesn't make it right. It makes it unfair to the rest of us. Maybe we are the ones being selfish, but I don't think so. I think a lot about my dad and the days leading up to his death. Wiping the blood from his mouth from the sores, laying next to him, crying together, picking him up to transfer him to a hospital bed. I see his abdomen bloating from the cancer, I see his eyes sinking deeper into his head, I see him losing the ability to communicate, to go to the bathroom, to show us the sparkle in his blue eyes. So yes, maybe I am being selfish as to not wanting to have to go through cancer taking away another person. And maybe I shouldn't even be writing about this since everything is so hush hush in that family. And maybe, hopefully soon, I will stop being pissed at what he is doing, or not doing, and just accept it for what it is.

But I just don't get it. I guess time will tell as to what is going to happen.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Ugh

Well I made it through the colonoscopy with normal results, which is good, but it will be a test that I remember for a while. IT HURT! I remember being in pain, and I remember doing some sort of embarrassing whimpering thing. Ugh. Not good. Then to top it off I had a reaction to the so called pain meds they gave me and got a shot of Bennedryl in my IV which knocked me out. I managed to get up and out the door and out to eat, but when I got to my mom's I slept, and slept, and slept until a little after 6pm.

But, I no longer have to do a 5 year countdown. I am free for 10 years!! Whoop whoop! That was good news to me. And so the 10 year countdown begins.....

Prep: The Second Day

Ahhhh...what better way to start a day at 6am then to be sipping on a nice cold beverage chalk full of a substance that makes you go go go? I can't think of anything else I would rather be doing right now. Oh wait. Yes, yes I can. I will make you a list.

1. Sleeping
2. Eating some of the delicious smelling meat that Dion had for dinner last night
3. Roller skating
4. Sleeping...oh wait, I already said that
5. Sitting in a hot tub
6. Having a beer...I don't care that it's early in the morning. It's something I would rather be doing!
7. Origami. And I am horrible at origami
8. Snuggling with my kids


And that is as far as I can get right now based on the sound my intestines are making. It is a sure sign that things are going to come soon, and we all know what that means.

So I will post later about the end result of my colonoscopy (end result! I made a little funny there and didn't even plan it). Until then, I will be hitting the head.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

It's Prep Day Baby

And if you can't believe that the 5 years has passed since my colonoscopy, just ask my toilet. It will not lie to you that I have been a frequent visitor. So tonight I thought we would walk down the road of "A Day in the Life of Prep". Or should I say, run down the road, because once the prep kicks in, you better be able to move fast.

It all starts with an innocent enough looking bottle of white powder and a prescription bottle containing 4 tiny pills. But since I have done this before, I know better. I know the evil contained in those bottles. I have been dreading this day (and the next) for about 4 years. So if you have never had one of these tests, let me tell you about it.

It started with me mixing the evil into an orange flavored drink whose name has something to do with gators. You can't have red or grape (the best flavors of course) so that left lime (vomit) or orange. I have heard there is a clear watermelon kind, but I didn't find that at a store who name has something to do with what you aim at. Orange it is. I mixed the 64 ounces, and put half in the fridge to sip on tomorrow. That's right, I have a later appointment tomorrow so I get to drink this junk two days in a row.

The rules state that you are to drink 8 oz every 15 minutes until the 32 oz are gone. Doesn't seem too hard I know, but by the end I feared that it was going to come back up, defeating the whole purpose. But it stayed. I even had my lunch of chicken water, and that stayed in me too. After drinking the pure evil, I had to take the four little tiny pills. Looking at them, they don't seem dangerous. They. Don't. Seem. Everything was going well, I felt ok, and then it started. Gurgle. Gurgle. Hmmm. It would appear that my stomach is not happy with the contents. Correction. My stomach was ok, I think it had something to do with my intestines not being happy. Gurgle. Oh oh. Time to make a run for the border. Run! Run damn it! Now if I were a rocket, I would be in space right now. The sheer force of the expelled liquid seriously could launch a person. And just when you think you can't possibly have any more liquid you in, you go again. So that was the first of many times running for the pot. I am very glad that I purchased the flushable wipes. If you remember anything about this, remember that. Do not forget the wipes! You will thank me for it. I promise. Anyway, I am doing ok right now, although I will have to run soon. I am dreading starting this again tomorrow at 6am. That just doesn't seem right.

I am torn at what is worse, doing it all in one day where the launching experience is way more propelling, or splitting it so you have smaller launches for 2 days. I really don't know. I am not looking forward to the IV tomorrow, with all of mt scar tissue in my hand, but I am all for the twilight drugs they give you so as not to remember the whole experience. So here's to a clean colonoscopy, in more ways than one.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

And There's the Second One

Well, actually, the second child made her stomach flu known at 4:30am. I was sleeping with Claire upstairs, Dion was downstairs with Nadia. He heard her crying in the other room, got up and ran into the room, stepping in said stomach flu contents on the floor. Gross. Too bad for him...not a good way to enter a room if you ask me. But on the positive side, she has yet to throw up again (yet.), and seems a little more peppy than Claire was. But that has always been the case with her. Either she would avoid the illness or get a more mild version of it. Let's hope that's the case for this one too. And also let's hope that she is ok by tomorrow so she doesn't have to miss any school. She (and Claire) has already missed 7 days from the whole H1N1 showdown between the family and the virus.

So as I begin this week, which involves a colonoscopy, lets hope that all is well in the Flaska Household.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Go Away Stomach Flu

It all started like any other normal Friday night. We weren't doing anything (sad, I know). Out of no where, both girls complain about having stomach aches. Hmmm....interesting that BOTH girls are complaining. I sensed anarchy because of not wanting dinner, but only wanting snacks. But we moved on, both girls ate dinner. Both started complaining again. Hmm...even more interesting. Dion takes Claire upstairs to try the potty, Nadia goes to the main floor. I am on the phone with my mom and Dion comes down carrying a bucket of puke. Claire is sick. And sick. And sick. From about 6:30pm to 4:30am she is throwing up every 45 minutes or so. I would give her a teaspoon of water and she would throw it up within the 45 minutes. Ugh. I felt so bad for her. She hasn't thrown up since that last one in the wee hours of the morning, but it was a long night for both of us. Today we have pushed fluids so she doesn't get dehydrated, but she is still feeling punky. She woke up from a nap and really didn't know that she wasn't sleeping anymore. She made no sense and babbled about never leaving our town, and at one point got into the main floor shower and sat down saying she didn't want to leave. Odd.

Now the thing tonight was that she was feeling dizzy and had a headache and she said that Dion and I were talking too fast. It made her cry. We ended up calling the clinic and they thought that maybe she had a migraine, which thinking about it, that made sense as to how she was feeling. We got medicine down her gullet, and now her head is feeling better, but she said that she is feeling funny. Now I think the issue is that she really hasn't eaten much today. So down with applesauce, and now she said she is feeling better.

Really people, is there any better way to spend a weekend? Doubt it.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Time to Catch Up. Again.

Well, let me think....

I suppose I should start with my mom. We went to Mayo this past Friday to see the new plastic surgeon. I am very happy to report that he is wonderful. I am also happy to report that if we would have stayed with the first surgeon, my mom would probably be in trouble right now. The new surgeon said there was no way he would do a skin graft right now as there is no good skin for them to attach the graft on to. May I remind you that the first surgeon would have already done the graft, and that would have opened up a whole new can of worms for my mom. Anyway, now they gave her a vinegar solution to put on the wounds in hopes of drying them out and letting new skin form. Interesting enough, it already looks better after 2 days. They are hoping that the wounds will close by the end of the month when I take her back. It may work, but with everything that has happened, I am not putting all of my eggs in one basket. So, while she is in a lot of pain, the hope is that this will improve quickly. Fingers crossed. So as of right now, no surgery. The hope is that she will heal completely on her own. If it can't heal completely, they can do a skin graft on a much smaller level. If she does not heal they will get her to a dermatologist to see if she has something wrong with her skin preventing it from healing. So, once again, everything is on hold. I will take her back on the 29th.

I got a voicemail message on my phone from our local clinic. Odd. I didn't recognize the name so I thought I should return the call. I was put on hold and the department was something about wellness blah blah blah. Now I am really interested in what all of this is about. Hold. Hold. Hold. Yes, I know you will be right with me, you have told me for the past 3 minutes you would. Hold. Hold. Then Kim's voice. I gave her my name and she said, "Oh yes, let me find my notes". Interesting. Until she said the following....."Ah, ok, well it says you are past due for your colonoscopy." Shock. Total shock. They hunted me down and did it in a sneaky way. If she would have left that one the message, guess who wouldn't have called back. I know that I am overdue. I have known that since August when I was supposed to have gone for my 5 year. I can't believe 5 years have passed since my last one. It seems like yesterday when I was saying, "Awesome! I still have 3 more years until I have to have that test again!" And now, here we are. Poop.

I feel like there is more, but it must be swimming around in my head somewhere. Maybe it will make an appearance later. Or not. Who knows. .

Sunday, November 29, 2009

A Slight Distraction

Wahhh...and Thanksgiving weekend is almost over. That is rather sad since it went incredibly fast. Almost as fast as a normal weekend. But we were productive, and that's a lot to say.

We got into a little cleaning craze this weekend that included putting up the Christmas tree. That is a story in itself, but I'll go there. I'm not afraid. Last year my thrifty husband decided to purchase a pre-lit tree after the holidays in an effort to save money. Which he did at a whopping $6 for the tree. What we didn't do was take it out of the box before this weekend. We now have a Charlie Brown Christmas tree in our living room. Dion wisely stated, "I guess you get what you pay for". Wise wise man. At night it is rather pretty, with all it's pre-strung lights, and the extra color lights we put on. And the carefully (or randomly) placed ornaments by Claire and Nadia. But once it is daylight, the tree takes on another personality of, well, see through. It let's us observe the pretty wall behind it, which is fantastic. So, if you want to see a pretty tree at our house, you are not allowed to come over until it is dark and the tree in all it's bright glory will dazzle you.

Anyway, I decided to try and purge the living are of most of the toys that mysteriously make their way up from the toy ridden basement. I have the whole downstairs family room set up as a play land for the girls with storage bins etc to hold of the toys. It took me hours to do that months ago, and in a single day they managed to relieve the bins of the bothersome toys and sprawl them out on the floor, which is where most of them have remained since that day. The toys that managed to ease their way upstairs needed to ease their way back down. That was my goal yesterday. Thankfully my neighbors had the kids yesterday while I attempted to gain control of our living room and family room again. I loaded toys up in Rubbermaid's and make umpteen trips up and down the steps. I moved furniture around to dig out numerous Barbie shoes and brushes, some Polly Pockets and their rubbery pants and tiny tiny shoes, various tiny stuffed animals that the girls "had to have" and probably had not seen for 6 months or so. In moving furniture around, I decided to rearrange the furniture. Talk about Pandora's box! Long story short, the living room and the family room have changed, and I like it. Poor Dion. He hates moving furniture around, and more than that, he hates change. He did really well and actually helped me with some of the process. I think he is ok with the change. At least he said he was. The funny part is that the girls haven't even noticed that their toys are not up here anymore. How awesome is that?!?

If there is anyone who can help us with this dog issue, give me a shout. Sammie is 12 years old. She certainly can't hear anymore, as I can come into the house and she does not wake up in the least bit. She is not able to last nearly as long for going outside and I have had to clean up some accidents. And the final thing happened this weekend. I was sitting in my chair and saw her pick something up off of the couch and try to eat it. She spit it back out and I jumped up in case it was something not so dog friendly. Are you ready for this? IT WAS ONE OF HER TEETH!! Ew! Ew! Ewwww!!! And not a shiny white one, if I may add that detail. Ugh. So gross. Claire saw it and grabbed her forehead and turned an odd shade of white. Turns out she is not good with some bodily things. Blood? She comes close to puking. And apparently gross dog teeth join the list of no no's for Claire. Although I can't say I blame her. It was bad. So I brought up to Dion that it may be time for Sammie to go to the pearly gates with unlimited doggie treats. We never did finish that conversation. Dion gave me Sammie as a birthday present when we were dating. She has been with us a long time, but seriously, teeth are falling out and her breath is so bad she can clear a room. I don't know.....any suggestions?

I guess that's all for now. I am typing and watching the Vikings/Bears game....my sweet sweet Favre! He is rocking the Vikings this year (minus that tackle that just knocked him on his butt) so I must go watch.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

What I am Hoping is From the Wine

Ugh. I have had gut rot all day long. I am hoping it is not some sort of flu type thing, but instead from the high quantities of wine that I drank with my friend last night. Ahhh....good times!

I finally made it back to the gym on Friday. I thought I would have a little more trouble with pain etc, but it went really well and felt really good. Somehow, even with missing a month, I have lost a total of 11 pounds. Woot woot!! That was the highlight of my day! Just about 30 more pounds to go before February. Possible? Hell yeah.

I got a phone call from one of my dearest friends Friday night. Her dad died of the same thing my dad did about 3 years ago. Strange how those things work. We talked about a lot of things. Religion, medications, current situations, and it was absolutely wonderful. I finally felt like I was able to talk about some things knowing that she would totally and completely understand where I was coming from. After hanging up the phone, I felt like a lot was taken off of my shoulders. I felt like my thoughts and feelings were confirmed, and I felt like it was the start of a new beginning. Friends are wonderful.

I talked to my mom yesterday and she said she had to tell me before my sister told on her that she fell in the Perkins parking lot. It took my sister and another woman (thank you to whoever that was) to get her up. I asked why she fell. Are you ready for this one? Really...you might want to sit down. She fell over trying to pick up a damn penny. A PENNY! Did you hear that?!? My sister told her she is not to do that anymore and that she will pick up pennies for my mom from now on. I thought that was a little funny though, Cathy offering to pick up pennies. So today, as you can imagine, she was rather sore and was loaded up on pain pills. Dion, the girls, and I took over the makings for dinner and I cooked up the now famous pork tenderloin. It was delicious again, even if I forgot that I needed garlic cloves (WAHHH!!!) and had to cook it with just garlic salt. Could be worse, I suppose. Anyway, we had a great visit, well, Cathy got mad about something, but that's pretty normal anyway.

Now Dion and I are going to catch up on some DVR'd shows, and here's to hoping the gut rot goes away.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Up-ditty Update

Greetings on this fine fall day. I thought I should give some updates with my mom since I have some new information finally.

I am taking her back to Mayo on Dec 4th to see the new plastic surgeon. They have told my mom that her skin graft surgery will be the following week. As far as how long she will be in the hospital, it really depends on how she is doing. I believe she has to be self-sufficient to go home. So all of that is up in the air, really. I am 98% sure that her wounds are getting bigger, so for this surgery to finally happen is pretty big.

It was a day of non happiness in this house this morning. I thought the girls FPE (remember? Former Place of Employment) fix would get us through a while, but alas, I was wrong. Of course, I have been wrong about a lot of things lately so I guess that is not a surprise. Today Claire turned on the waterworks when faced with the knowledge that she could not go to my FPE. That was fun. If anyone can tell me how to explain to a 7 year old why she can't be with her friends anymore, let me know because I am having a hard time getting her to understand it. She offered some suggestions on how it would be possible, which was kind of cute, but sad at the same time. Ugh. There's not a worse feeling of leaving your kid for school with tears going down her face. It sucks. They were at their home daycare for 5 years, and I had to talk up my FPE to try and make that transition as smooth as possible. And it worked. It went well. So Claire is there for a year and now the carpet has been pulled out from under her. I suppose one can understand why this is not so easy for her.

I have my night job tonight. We are cooking with pumpkins. It should be a good class, but it's hard to go back to work after being home for a couple of hours. All I really want to do is put on some flannel pants and a sweatshirt, but, no can do. In fact, I've got an hour and a half before I have to leave again. High ho, high ho......

Friday, November 13, 2009

Thursday, November 12, 2009

But the Pork Tenderloin Was Good

The current issue I am dealing with is as follows. Since I no longer need daycare, the girls don't go to my former place of employment (FPE). Now, on a daily basis, they ask why they can't go (ummm we can't afford it) and they get upset and sad. It says a lot for how the program was run, and how much they enjoyed it. They miss the crafts, games, and the friends that they made there, who aren't in their classes so they don't get to see now. Today was an early release day, so I was asked to help get the planned activities for the community going, which I did. But the girls had to stay at my FPE until I did everything that I needed to do, which didn't take too long. The girls were having a blast, and didn't want to leave. They wanted to go play outside, they wanted to go to the gym to play a game, and to be honest, so did I. I miss the kids at my FPE, and I miss the games and the conversations. I love the fact that when I see some of the kids they run up to me and give me a hug. I worked pretty dang hard to build those, and other, relationships, and it has been hard to not be there. But hopefully they got a fix and that will last a little while. Me? I will never get a fix that lasts awhile. If you know me, you know how much I love being with kids, and that will never go away.

So after we got home I started dinner. Yes, the pork tenderloin. I tried a recipe off of the internet and was a little worried how it would turn out as applesauce and soy sauce were in the ingredients. But, I pushed on, sauteing onions and garlic, adding the applesauce etc mixture and cooked it. DANG! It was good! I hope I can find that recipe again. It was mighty fine, if I do say so myself.

I am trying to figure out what I am going to do for the girls holiday pictures this year. I want to get a little more creative, and I have started to plant the seed for the girls on they type of picture I want to try and take. We'll see though. One never knows....

I am taking my mom to Mayo on December 4th to see the new plastic surgeon. There is a slight chance that she could have the surgery in December, but it always seems to change. I went to her house to change her dressing for her this week, and the wounds are getting bigger. Again she bled through the dressings and her binder. I am looking forward to this being done for her sake. What it seems like now is that they are just going to do skin grafts to try and close up the wounds. I still don't understand how the grafts will hold with the hernia she has, but I guess that will be a question for the doctor.

The week that Claire was sick, she informed me that she knew a bad word. I asked her what it was, expecting her to say fart or something like that. Instead, without batting an eyelash, she said, "bitch". I about fell off of my chair. I asked her where she had heard that and she told me that two boys in her class told her that it rhymed with one of their names, which it does. I just didn't expect that at all. As soon as she said the word, I felt like my little girl had lost a bit of her innocence. It was sad, and wrong. Sigh.......

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A Sad Day

Today I volunteer in the girls classrooms. I actually have to go soon to get to Claire's on time, but since I have like an hour to kill I like to go to Blue Moon cafe to just sit and relax. I think I have talked about the atmosphere before. Anyway, I drive by and.....CLOSED. Not just until they open in the morning, but for good.

Like I said, a sad day.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Would I Have Changed How I Did Things?

I don't know. I'm not really sure if I would or not. Sometimes I think "If only I would have...." and then I stop. ***you should know at this point my thoughts have gone in so many directions. I have typed and deleted many things***

But if I hadn't followed the path that I am on, I wouldn't have what I have. Dion, my girls, my friends. And I don't want to sound like I don't appreciate what I have. I do. But is there more? Would there have been more? I don't know. How could I?

What I do know is that I am not satisfied with what I have. The option of having more kids ripped away from me always plays on my brain, poking at it, laughing at it, making it sad. It's not fair. Now, again, I reiterate, I am very happy with the kids that we have. That is not the point. The point is now it is no longer an option for me. Not by my choice. Maybe if I had made the choice and not cancer, I would feel different. No, I KNOW I would feel different. Ugh.

But, I have talked about the whole baby stealing thing before, and it hasn't changed and never will. So why do I bother? Maybe so I can stop buying pets to fulfill that void. That would be a good thing I think. But really, I don't know why I just cant accept this fact and move on. I am worried that in 15 years, I am still going to be blogging about this topic. In the words of someone I know, why can't I just get over this? I don't know. Otherwise I would be.

Wouldn't it be nice to be one of those people who get paid to do something they love? I need that. I want that. Of course I want to win the lottery and retire, but we all know the odds of that happening. There are so many things I want to do, that never crossed my mind as a college student. I think I went into college with the thought that I just needed to graduate. That was my goal since no one else in my family did. Now, of course, I look back and think, man I was stupid. I should have thought things out more. But I didn't and now here I am. You can bet that I am going to suggest my kids think it through a little more than I did. Already I ask them what they want to be when they grow up. Quite often in fact. Of course, Claire's response is the same every time. A cheerleader. Yikes. :) Not that there's anything wrong with that....

Now you may ask why I don't just go back to school. And I really wouldn't mind doing that, but after getting my first paycheck in my new position....well, yeah, that's not an option. Talk about money shock. Or lack thereof. Oh boy.

Anyway, we spent the day outside today, cleaning out branches and burning them. I smell like campfire. Mmmmmm....of course that takes me back to camp days. And back to camp friends. And camp memories. Those were my golden years. Memories of hanging out by a campfire with 10 middle school girls, and loving it. Memories of hiking in the woods and the back 40. The nature, the laughs, the games, the songs, the kids, the friends. All but just a memory now. As an adult, those things are gone. And that is sad.

So where do I go from here? I'm not sure. I feel kind of stuck. Dare I say trapped? That seems like kind of a harsh word, but sometimes that's how I feel. Like there is so much more I want to do, but can't. Does one just settle with what they have? I really don't know. And at what point is good enough good enough? Maybe at the point I am at.....

A Note to the Virus Who WAS in Our House

Dear Virus,

Thank you for finally leaving our house. And while you never did settle down with me (I won't take it personally), I am ok with the fact that you have returned to where ever you came from. You have left a little bit of a reminder with us of your long uninvited visit through a cough the both girls have, but that's ok. We can deal with that.

Anyway, I am looking forward to getting back to our normal family routine. Well, if you can call our routine normal.

With Regards,

Sue Flaska

Thursday, November 05, 2009

A Note to the Virus in Our House

Dear Dirty Virus,

You have been an uninvited visitor in our house since October 17th. You hung around Dion like you were pals from long ago. You made him hang out with you and miss work, and really provided nothing to the relationship. So you left for a bit. For some reason you came back on October 29th, once again uninvited. This time you thought you would spend some quality time with Nadia, and two days later thought you better hang out with Claire too, so as not to make her jealous. That was very considerate of you, not playing favorites and all.

It was nice of you to spend Halloween with us. We really were hoping you would stay around so we couldn't go trick or treating, so thanks for that. And while we thought that it was about time for you make your exit as you had totally over-stayed your welcome, you just weren't quite ready to leave. You hadn't yet made Claire's temp get close to 105 and while that was a hefty goal, you succeeded. Way to go.

I know Nadia can be rather active so I totally understand why you switched your focus to Claire. She tends to sleep a bit more than Nadia when you visit. I can understand that you needed a break, you know, just a little time to relax and hang out. Claire certainly fit the bill for that. Just when I thought you were getting ready to pack your bags and leave today, you hung around enough to give Claire a headache and a temp of 101.1. Just enough to allow her to hang out with you tomorrow instead of going to school. You must have needed just one more day of quality Claire time.

But now we have got a problem that we need to discuss. I can understand wanting to hang out with my kids. They can be funny and rather dramatic, the offer interesting insight into things. But the buck stops there. I think I can feel you hanging out in my muscles. I am having to use a blanket and put my hood up to keep some of the chills away. I think you are familiar with the chills. I believe they are friends of yours.

So I hate to be rude and all, but Virus, you need to get the hell out. You are not welcome in our house any longer, I don't want to be your host (ess). So please move on and leave us alone. The Flaska's have had their fill of you.

Sincerely,
Sue

Pete and Repeat Were in a Boat....Pete Fell Out, Who was Left?

Today Nadia had the all clear with a perfect 98.6 temp. Claire was at 100 and then later went up to 101. So everyone knows what that means, right? No free Friday for me as Claire will have to stay home again tomorrow. We were so close!

Nadia handled her first day back well. I thought she may have some issues re-adjusting, but she didn't. She and Claire giggles the whole way home from school. They missed each other, and even can admit that they did. But the separation is good for them (and me).

I have been dragging all day today. Even sometimes having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Isn't that strange? It's not like I am doing a lot at home. In fact, I haven't been doing much of anything. I think I really need to get back to the gym. I think that is why my activity levels have plummeted. Well, that and basically the split shifts I am doing, and the sinus infection. Oh and sick kids, and the stress, oh what the hell. Who am I kidding? I could go on and on I suppose but it wouldn't change any of this.

So today Claire was very intrigued by the Smurfs. Are they making a comeback? I do have to say that some of the content is a little iffy. But they are the Smurfs. I found myself watching them, wishing that I could have their life, where everything is Smurfy and the biggest challenge is keeping away from a creepy dress wearing man and his orange cat with a bite missing from his ear. I could do that. Easily. Although I don't know how keen I would be to living in a one room mushroom. I would definitely have to add on a shroom or two. And screw the white dress. No way. No how. That would have to change. And the shoes. They just look painful.

Anyway, I believe a cat just puked so now I must go clean that up. Oh what a wonderful life.

Monday, November 02, 2009

This is Getting So Old!

Both girls were home again today and will have to stay home tomorrow too. I thought Nadia was on the upswing, but she spiked again to 102. Poor Claire woke up this morning at 104.8. It has been a long rough day for the Flaska family, and tomorrow doesn't seem like its going to get much better. I just want all of this crap to be over! It's not looking too good right now though. Tomorrow will be a call to the doctor since Nadia has been out for almost a week straight. I keep worrying about dehydration ever since it happened to Nadia last year and she had to be in the hospital. That was horrible!

On the bright side, I got a little bit caught up on laundry today. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to put it all away. Sounds like good times, eh? My goal is that come Friday, my day off, both kids will be back in school and I won't have any other obligations and can enjoy my day off. It seems like the last few weeks that hasn't been possible. Mostly it seems like that because it hasn't been possible.

I am horribly addicted to Facebook and all the evils that go with it. Cafe World? Play it, love it. Farkle? Play it, get mad at it. Chats? Yep, you can find me there. What an evil empire FB has become! But in the way like when you have a bug bite and it hurts to scratch it, but at the same time feels so good. That is Facebook. I would be in Cafe World right now but I know my next dish has to cook for another 5 hours, so I'm good.

We are planning our second annual trip to the dells, but upping the amount of people that go. It will be the four of us, our neighbors family of four, my college room mates family of 3 and Kelsey and possibly her beau. 13 of us! It is going to be awesome! We are getting a 3 bedroom deluxe lodge with a full kitchen. The girls ask every other day how many more days until we go to the dells. Might be a long few months!

I miss the gym. Ok. There. I said it. I miss the gym! I miss the rush it gives me when I am done, I miss the sweat, I miss the ultra clean smell of the towels, I miss my music, I miss my alone time. Another reason that I hope all of this illness stuff goes away soon. I am sure that I have gained everything I lost last month right back. Drats! How frustrating.

Nothing yet from the doctor for my mom. Oh, the city has approved the addition (minus a set of steps from the deck to the ground, but that can be changed) for our house for my mom. It looks like, right now, we will be starting in the spring. Hopefully she will be done with her surgeries (at least one of them) by then. That would be nice.The blueprints are pretty cool. I hope it all works out.

Ok, have to run. That's all for now.....

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Laptops. Are. Awesome.

For quite a few reasons, but look at how many times I have blogged in the past few days. All because of easy access and the fact that I cab get on the Internet rather fast as opposed to our desk top computer which does not work very well. I tried to tell Dion that he should ask for a netbook for Christmas, but he ignored me. I am not sure what that means.

So here we are. Nadia's temp is 99 degrees, down from 103. Claire on the other hand, has gone from 100 to 102. It seems like her body is having a harder time fighting off whatever this is than Nadia's body did. We have the sleeper sofa pulled out and they are resting on that whilst watching Spongebob. I have a feeling that Claire will miss school tomorrow. I have no clue about Nadia as of right now. She has been out since last Wednesday, so it would be nice to get her back into the grove of things.

Anyway, here are some sites for you to check out. One is flickr . If you are interested in looking at some of my pictures, look under flaskafive. I haven't posted anything on my other blog as it takes so much time to upload the pictures, and since I have other locations where I post photos, I have kind of ignored A Different POV. Anyway, here is another site for you....

here. It is the photo club that I am involved in. You can look for me there as Sue F. But also take a chance to look around at the site. It is pretty awesome and has a lot of talented work on it. Way better than my stuff.

I am hoping when things slow down a little that I can get back into taking pictures on a more regular basis. I have missed it. Man! It seems like I have my hands in so many different things that it is hard to keep track of all of it. Pictures, blogging, writing, the gym, and then of course the two jobs, two kids, and a husband. Then we can go even further with my mom, my sister, all of our pets, laundry, cleaning, Facebook (come on! FB takes a lot of time!)....yikes. If only there were a few extra hours in the day and one extra day on the weekend. How great would that be? I would call the day Octoday. And that day would be devoted to only doing my hobby type stuff. Children would have to entertain themselves and for once get all of their own stuff and maybe not even whine. For. The. Whole.Day. Ahhhhh....bliss........

SNAP! Back to reality.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween

Well, this is one for the books. Both girls had fevers and could not go trick or treating. How much does that suck as a kid? As an adult, not so much minus the fact that the girls got stir crazy and Claire cried for 45 minutes. Other than all of that, it was not too bad.

I always think of my dad for the holidays and how much he loved to decorate for them. Halloween was a big one for him. It's so odd. Growing up I don't remember him being all that in to holidays. He really didn't have a lot of time for them. He sure did make up for it though as his got more and more grand kids. It was like the more grand kids he got, the more decorations he bought and proudly displayed. Sometimes to my moms dismay.

So now here we sit with unused costumes that most likely won't fit next year. Although we did take the girls to the store during trick or treating time to pick out their own candy and find a movie and a toy. That seemed to be a fair trade in their books. Plus, the store was pretty much empty and kind of enjoyable. Kind of.

My stomach is so full. Too full. Dion made a spicy beef and vegetable soup from scratch and it was oh so good...even if it had a little kick to it. I had to drink a bit of milk to counter act the spice. I can still feel it on my tongue.

Ok, I guess that's it for this holiday. It's pretty much over, but I wouldn't mind watching some scary movies. But we'll see. Things tend to not pan out in the night for me. But I am listening to the scanner as I write since I am pretty sure it will be a busy night for the police. It has been so far.

Friday, October 30, 2009

I'm Tired of Sinus Cavities

I just can't seem to shake this sinus stuff. It's gross, and making me feel like crap, and I just don't like it. But....so goes life.

I took my mom to Mayo again today. Two times this week...I could do the drive in my sleep...but I won't. Anyway, they did some blood work and checked her heart even though she is pretty much cleared for surgery already. Now we are waiting for her general surgeon to find her a non-ass plastic surgeon. I told her to call next week and see if anything has been done about that piece of the pie. I hope for her sake that this happens soon. She is just miserable and in so much pain all of the time. This needs to be done.

Nadia has been out of school since Wednesday with a fever and a cough. Claire joined her today with a fever. The odd thing is that neither of them are acting like they are really sick. I don't get it. I almost wonder why they are home, then I remember oh yeah, fever.

This past week was so busy. I have yet to go to the gym in the past 2 weeks and I actually really miss it! Crazy, huh? Never thought there would be a day that I would say that I missed the gym...but here it is!

I got a new laptop and it is so slick for editing photos, never mind all of the other fun stuff that goes with a laptop. Like for now, for instance. I bought a router, so Dion is on the desktop computer and I am on this, and we both have access to the Internet. Awesome! I think I will be able to do more now that I have this laptop.

Another example, I am going to transfer all of my children's stories I wrote onto here and add to them. I am pretty pumped about that. I have been missing my writing, both on my blog and stories. I have an itching to work on an adult story, but keep stalling on that one. Maybe it will come to me. Until then I will settle for this. Which isn't too shabby.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Here, There, Everywhere

That is how my brain feels lately. I don't feel like I have all of me in my family, work, home responsibilities, basically everything. I don't feel like I have or am succeeding at anything right now. There are all of these directions that I want to go in, but can't. Have you ever had one of these slumps? What did you do to get out of it?

I am taking my mom to Mayo on Tuesday. I would like to update you buy I don't really know what's going on. She did get an "apology" letter from her ass of a plastic surgeon. Why the quotes? Because he has proved himself not only an ass in person, but in the written language. I told my mom to bring the letter so we can ask if that is really what Mayo supports as an apology. In the meantime, this coming appointment is supposed to be a pre-pp so technically she should have the surgery within the month. We'll see.

There is a coffee shop in town that is for sale. I so wish we could buy it. There is also an appartment included in it. I told Dion he is welcome to visit me as long as he calls first. Hahaha! Seriously though, the atmosphere reminds me of the coffee shop in Friends. I think that's why I like it so much. Its peaceful, relaxing, and I want that. Maybe that's why I like being in there. Its so mellow, unlike every other aspect of my life. I can sit in there and read, relaxing to the soft music, reading books and magazines. Sounds wonderful, doesn't it? A little slice of heaven on earth. Hopefully whoever buys it will keep that atmosphere. Damn it! I want it!

I am being summoned to pour some cereal for the kids. Coffee break is over.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Whatever.

This too shall pass.
What a crock.I should never utter those words again. Things have gone from bad to worse with EVERY aspect of my life. How is that possible? The only real joys in my life right now are my kids, and what few time I have with Dion. And now that is going to get worse because my job has changed. I will be done with my current position in the near future and this is why. I was told this summer that my job was changing. That it would no longer be just what I was doing, but that it would be a combined position of about 4 different jobs in one for an extra 8 hours in the week, and 5 less in the summer as it would go back to just the one position then. That alone spells disaster. I guess it was really unknown how many extra hours I put in during the last month of the summer when all the college kids were gone and there were no extra staff. And there's 5 hours less? Yikes! But because the description had changed the job had to be posted, and I would have to apply and interview for it. Really? Or I could take another position within for 5 hours less a week and no summers. Call it ego, whatever, but besides not wanting to do 4 different jobs with a pitally 8 extra hours, I didn't want to interview for my job. So that leaves me with the other position within. It's quite a pay cut and I am not so sure how we are going to make it financially. We weren't doing so hot already. So basically what I have been trying to do is piece together all these different jobs to try and make ends meet, and really all that is doing is making me a basketcase trying to keep a handle on this schedule. And what was supposed to be a position where I could "spend more time with my kids" has turned in to anything but. Any suggestions? I will no longer have time for my hobbies, my family, or me really and the thought of that sucks. Suckity suck suck sucks!

Things with my mom have gotten worse. She can stand for maybe 5 minutes then is in so much pain that she has to sit. We went to Mayo for her back, they said no way until her wounds are fixed. We went to a surgeon, who sent us to this pompous ass doctor. "but he is one of the best!" One of the best of what? Being an ass? Yep, I agree with that. I am still not sure where we stand with all of this except that I take her back to Mayo on the 27th. So as of now they are looking at November to do a skin graft to close up the wounds. Who the hell knows from there. I am not sure if it will be the hernia or the disk that will be fixed next. I look forward to her being closer so I can help her more, but with my schedule how it is right now, I don't have a lot of time to help her. Thank god Cathy is here and can help he with things.

I hear my kids moving around upstairs. I have about an hour to get ready for doing nursery at church. Better grab my time with them while I can. Lord knows I need to.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A Potluck

This will have to just be a complete potluck of sorts for a post since I really don't have just one thing to talk about in particular. So here we go.....

This past Monday was the year anniversary of my dad's death. I should have taken the day off of work since I really didn't want to be there, but I had to go on the field trip due to low staffing. In fact, I have to work every day this week....so much for Tuesdays and Fridays off. But anyway, I took the girls up to the cemetery and we hung some things on my dad's nameplate. A butterfly necklace from Claire and a prism from Nadia. When we finally decided to leave, Nadia said to wait, she had to say by to Grandpa. She went up to his nameplate and put her cheek against it, hugged, and said goodbye. Sigh.

I go for my 6 month check next Tuesday. Am I nervous? You know, I am not really sure. Strange. I really just feel kind of blah about it. It's getting old, all of this dealing with cancer crap. I am tired of having it pop up in my brain, I am tired of all the pills that I am on (although I have been quite naughty the past month or so remembering to take them), I think I am just tired in general. And possibly I am getting a summer cold, judging by my sore throat and cough. Blasted.

We are working on some floor plans to add on to our house. It will basically be another house for my my to live in, but since we are in a single residence, it will be connected to our house. We talk again with the guy who drew the plans up next week, and hopefully it will get approved by the city and so forth and so forth. I will feel better when my mom is here with us. She is going to Mayo next month about the bulging disk in her back. So that on top of the open wounds she has (going on year 3 of that mess) she is in rough shape. I took her to the ER last week to try and get her pain manageable. She is now on some heavy duty meds to get her through the days. It has been a very rough time for her, and I wish there was more that I could do to help her.

I have a boatload of pictures to go through, but I know that it would be at least 3 hours worth of work, and I just don't have the time right now to do it so it will have to wait. Which sucks, because I love the process. If only I had a few extra hours in a day, but who doesn't wish that?

I am going to see American Idol on Sept 1st! Woo hoo!! That will be a fun one, I believe. I hope.

And here is the long list of animals that now reside in our house....

1 dog
4 cats
4 mice
1 fish
1 snail
2 frogs
1 guinea pig

And a partridge in a pear tree. Welcome to the jungle (we got fun and games....oh you know you were singing the words).

Some days I don't know if I am coming or going. Actually, it's more than some days. It's pretty much every day. And I don't like it. There will be a little break in my thinking activity, which thank God for that because I would be a mess right about now (at least more than I already am). But then it's back to the grind of wondering, worrying, thinking, and some other feelings that I can't really put into words right now. That is an odd feeling, not being able to put something into words. Or maybe it's the fact that I CAN'T put the words down. Literally. Some have said that a person should do a post and not publish it, then it's off your mind, but not visible for others to read. I haven't done that yet, but maybe now is the time to do that. I have no where else to vent. I can talk to Dion over and over about a particular subject, but won't that get old for him? Unfortunately, the land of blogging is a double edge sword. While it's awesome to have a lot of readers/followers, that also means that the blogger has to be careful in what is said. Which also means that there are restrictions in what I can and cannot write, which totally defeats the purpose of having a blog. For example, I could not say that I would love to punch whomever in the face. It might get back to them and then I would actually have to do it. Or, I could not say that so and so is a big fat loser, even if I wanted to say it. Even if it were true. Ahhhh.....the joys of blogging.

Anyway, some things you cannot change. I know that, but it doesn't make me feel better having that knowledge. I guess we all have choices to make in life. No one said they would be easy, or fair, or fun. But it seems like something is missing. Some spark that I used to have. I honestly don't know who I am anymore, and how scary is that? I have found that I no longer trust people, I have been lied to too many times, I also have found that instead of finding the silver lining, I focus on the grey clouds. They are consistent, the lining is not. I would love to be in love with life again, but life is getting in the way. What the hell? What sense does that make? Not much. I am tired of being let down by humanity, maybe that is why I am so pessimistic now a days. Maybe that is why I don't trust many people any more. Maybe that is why I don't know who I am anymore. Or maybe I should just stop blaming other people and take a good look at myself and see why I am allowing myself to feel this way. Damn it all to hell. I think this is just a rough week. I am going to pull a quote out of my past, and hopefully abide by it.......


This too shall pass.


It has too, or I just may not make it out of here with all of my marbles.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Holy Crap!

Yikes! It's been almost 2 months since I have said a word. This summer has been kind of crazy busy. Kind of. Ok, it has been one of the busiest summers I can remember! There's been traveling, and parties, and more traveling, and camping, and, and, and, I can't even remember all that we have done so far! What I do know is that I think we have gone out of town for the last time this summer (at least planned) last weekend, but the next few weeks are still full of fun. Next weekend is River City Days, and the weekend after that is.......The Shuffle! The annual cancer walk that I do. Between online donations and cash and checks, I am at about $450 so far. If you are interested in donating, you can go to the American Cancer Society website, find our team (Kjurstin's Krew) find me, Sue Flaska and donate. Donate donate donate! Any amount helps and is welcomed.

I have also been doing some photo shoots for photography club which have been a blast. I pretty much just post on my Flickr site (look for flaskafive) so you can pop over there and take a peek. I have quite a few pictures I need to mess around with on Photoshop, but it takes so much dang time!

Also next month is my last (I think) 6 month visit to my oncologist for a check, and then it's once a year. WOOT!! I will post again when it is closer to the date. For once in my 5 years I don't know the date my appointment is on.

Ok, lots to do.....talk soon!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Busy Bee

Howdy Doody! I am hoping things might slow down soon so I can post more often. I did manage to get some new pics on my other blog, here so take a peek and enjoy.

Otherwise, in a nutshell.....

My mom was in the hospital for a few days for pneumonia. She is home, and is doing a little better but is still kind of funky. I went to the doctor and found I have uterine fibroids. Not a big deal, but will be watched. Claire is almost done with kindergarten, which blows my mind away. But what does even more than that is my baby is getting ready to start kindergarten. No clue as to where time goes.

I did a photo shoot last weekend for the holiday. I have not posted any of those pictures because they are going to be put up on a website for purchase. It is a fundraiser for our photography club, so take a look and get some if you are interested. http://www.rwphotoclub.instaproof.com/ Search under Field of Honor. They should be uoloaded in a week or so.

That's all for now. Another busy weekend is in process.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hello Blog Land!

I know, I know. It's been a while. I have been keeping busy, which is good. I seem to function better that way. But at the same time, other areas in my life (IE: my blogs) tend to have to take a backseat. So, here I am.

Dion has been sick the last few days with strep. No clue as to how he got it and the rest of us (knock on wood) haven't gotten sick. No complaints here though.

I joined the local photography club. It. Is. Awesome. I had my first meeting last week, and signed up to do a photo shoot of pregnant girls. I will post my favorites on my other blog. It was so much fun, and I learned so much just from the afternoon. I am very happy I joined the club.

On the same topic, I am addicted to photography. Totally. It has filled a void that I have had for a while, and it is just plain old beautiful. Have I mentioned that I love it?

This school year is almost over (GASP!) and I am not too sure as to where the time has gone. Can you believe Nadia will start kindergarten next fall?!? Can you believe that I will have 2 days a week all to myself next fall?!? Oh the possibilities.......

Ok, I'm off to post my pictures. Life is good, my friends. Life is good.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Our Computer

From time to time our computer decides not to work. I'm not sure if sometime soon we will have to buy a new one, but we'll see. Right now it is working, which is good. You can swing over to my other blog, A Different POV to check out some pictures that I have finally been able to get on the site.



Easter is pretty low key this year. My mom went to one of my brother's homes, and we were invited by the neighbors to join them for Easter. It's always a good time when we get together.....that makes it sound like we are never together, which is not the case. We were over there most of yesterday. But the kids, nor the adults, try to kill each other even after spending hours of time together.



Anyway, I am keeping busy with both of my jobs and the kids. And for the first time I was asked to take pictures for someone. Nothing fancy, she just needed pictures with a lot of details, but I LOVED DOING IT!!! Might be something worth looking in to, but, again, it might not. Who knows where life takes us.

I sat down with the girls today to talk about the true meaning of Easter. They were enthralled. It was awesome. From time to time Nadia would like to interject some extra things that may have happened. It's kind of cute.

Ok, have to go get ready for the celebration. Hope your holiday is a wonderful time spent with friends and family.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Time Flies Like An Arrow, Fruit Flies Like a Banana

That pretty much sums up how random my brain is right now. Nadia is sleeping in my arms and I am absorbing every moment of it I can. In fact, I really have to pee but I really don't want to get out of the recliner.

The thought I had today made me hurt with sorrow. Nadia is now 5. No longer a toddler and almost no longer a preschooler. My days of having those age groups are over. It made me cry to think about.

Tomorrow is my parents 52nd anniversary. Well it would have been, I suppose. I think back 2 years ago when the whole family went to the dells for their 50th. Thank God we did. That was our last family get together. My dad also would have been 73 last weekend. His nameplate has been put on his niche. We went up there on his birthday. Earlier that day I made a picnic in the driveway for the girls. Claire asked if we could have a picnic for his birthday every year.

Dions parents and sister were here this weekend. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. Everything from book clubs to nature's vagina was discussed. Don't ask. We had fun and that's what counts.

Nadia just sat up and said some random things. Just like this post.

She is still fighting a pretty bad cough. One day she will be back to normal.

Ok, my thumb is starting to get sore from the itty bitty phone buttons. We'll catch up again soon. Later!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

A Week for the Books

I am happy that this week is over. Done. Fin. Let's start back with Tuesday, shall we?

The whole day Nadia wasn't feeling herself. She wasn't interested in eating anything, and as the day progressed it became apparent that she was getting sick. She ended up throwing up 2 times Tuesday night with 2 cases of the screaming cha chas as well. We stayed home Wednesday and twice she hit the 104 mark for a fever. She had no interest in eating and asked for water to drink. Thursday morning she was still not doing well at all and her tummy was hurting her pretty bad. Nadia is a tough cookie, and for her to be crying because her tummy hurts, means that she was in a lot of pain. I got an appointment that morning with her doctor. They did a strep test, which was negative, and some blood work which showed she was dehydrated. Our options were to go home and try and get fluids into her, or be admitted and start an IV. I chose to go home and try that first, wanted to avoid having her get stuck again.

Five hours later, and 12 oz of apple juice, things were not getting better. We went back in and they admitted her into the hospital. She was the 4th child to be admitted, all for the same thing. This was some nasty virus. They tried 2 times to get the IV going but her little veins were so crappy from lack of fluid. They got it on the 3rd try, thank God. She got 2 and a half bags of fluid, peed twice (she was a dry dry girl!), morphine for her pain, and was better by the next day. I was in her bed with her that night, watching her sleep, gaining a whole new respect for parents who have seriously ill children. I always had a respect, but this shed some extra light on it.

We went home, and had a few rough patches, but today, she is back to her normal self. My body crashed yesterday and I slept for almost 3 hours. Stress is some strong strong stuff.

So, that's what our week was like. Nadia turns 5 on Thursday.....I can hardly believe it. Where does time go?

Monday, March 09, 2009

Me No Like Daylight Savings!

Ugh. Anyone else having problems with daylight savings this year? The girls were just all out of sorts with including, but not limited to, fighting, whining, crying, more fighting, and then a little more crying. Ok. A lot more crying. It was fun for all involved. Except me. Weeeeeeeee!!!!!

My 5 year cancerversary is coming up on the 17th, and Nadia turns 5 on the 19th. My dad's birthday is this month along with my parents anniversary. Talk about a roller coaster ride of emotions! But, like always, we will get through all of this fun stuff.

That's all I've got tonight.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

hee hee

It is so fun to use my cell to do stuff like this. Although it is easier to make mistakes using these little tiny buttons. I just spent the last 15 minutes like a horizontal yoyo from claires room to nadias room putting out fires. Ah parenthood. Did I ever tell you about when claire asked me about how babies get into a mommy? That was a fun one. I felt myself getting deeper and deeper into trouble. It went something like this;
Claire: mommy how did you get a baby in you? Me:uhh well there are eggs inside mommies that turn into babies as they get bigger.
Claire: but how do they turn into babies ?
Me: well its kind of like a flower. It starts as an egg and gets a seed and that's what makes it grow.(I thought I was really cleaver when I came up with that until....)
Claire: how does the seed get there?
Me: (oh my lord...really??) well uh daddy has the seeds and gave them to me (am I really saying all of this???)
Claire thinks for a bit.
Claire: wow. That must have taken daddy a long time.
Me: (trying not to laugh) yeah it must have.

She dropped the subject at that point, thank god! I don't think I could have gotten in deeper if I wanted to (no pun intended).

Ok, now my thumbs hurt from all of the little button pushing. That's all for now.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Consin Dells

Just ask the girls where we went for a mini-vacation. The Consin Dells. Which by the way according to them is not the name of the town, but of the water park in general.

We rented a condo with our neighbors, who also have 2 kids. It was truly awesome! The condo rocked, and the kids had a blast. I, although, have to admit, was tired. Case in point;

We were in the wave pool with the kids. I had Claire on top of me in my inner tube, Dion had Nadia. They were quite a bit away from us and Claire wanted me to catch up. Ok. I got the tube facing backwards and used my arms to paddle. And paddle. And paddle. Until.....CRASH!!! A 3 foot wave tossed us back to where we started. Claire got mad at me because I wasn't catching up, and I just about cried when we were hit by another wave. I could have just gotten out of the tube, but what fun would THAT have been?

Anyway, we hit all three water parks, mini golf and the arcade while we were there and agreed that we had to do this every year. I still have my little wrist band on that says "I had a blast at The Wilderness." And you know what? I did.

Last night we met up with Mr & Mrs Smitten Kitten (the recently married couple) and went out to eat and to see 2 comedians. It was a good time. I laughed until I cried a couple times and I enjoyed myself 3 amaretto sours. Mmmmmmmm......but it was all about moderation since those are the drinks that got me in trouble at the Kitten's wedding. That and beer. And maybe a shot or 2. And some wine. Oh hell, never mind, I was just a mess. Anyway, it was wonderful to go out and I was told that I needed to blog more, and get on Facebook more, so here I am. I might even go change my status on Facebook from 2 weeks ago. But I might not too.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Kid Talk

The other day I was taking the girls to get new swimming suits. In the back of the car I heard the following conversation:

Nadia: Girls have to wear suits that cover their breasts.

Claire: Yep, and boys only wear shorts, so you can see their breasts. Why do they have breasts?

Nadia: I can see Daddy's breasts when he has his suit on. They are much smaller than Mommy's.

Claire: Yeah, but Mommy's are hairier (?!?!?!?!).

Nadia: They are not. Daddy has hairy breasts (thank you Nadia).


And that was the conversation about swimming suits. I love kids!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Let's Look on the Bright Side

So for the past oh, 2 hours I have been going backwards in time reading my blog. Seriously, how have you managed to keep reading this thing when I can be so negative?!? So, this here post will be on the positive side, I just have to think of something to write about.....still thinking.....

Holy crap! I really don't have a lot to talk about. But here's a fun fact for you. Have you heard that if you are coughing a lot at night that you can put Vic's Vapor rub on your feet (and then cover with socks or that can be quite messy) and that will help you to stop coughing? I did it last night and slept like a baby. Well, at least like a baby that sleeps well.

Dion is going to be going on a fishing trip with Andy, his college room mate and friend to both of us, this coming summer. They talk every day about it, sometimes even 3 or 4 times a day. There are times when I have to tell him to say goodbye to his other wife so we can get the girls in bed. I found out that Andy's wife says the same thing to him. Can you believe that he turns on fishing shows AND ACTUALLY WATCHES THEM?? I can't. They have been acting this way for the past 3 or so months. Only 6 more to go.

Nadia used to call nipples "nickles". Hee hee.

We listen to SpongeBob songs in the car, and I know most of the words to most of the songs. Sad, huh?

We went bowling today, and to wait for the ball to hit the pins when the girls bowled was so suspenseful. Or is the word painful? Eh. Either one.

Have you ever seen the tv show iCarly? I LOVE IT!!! I laugh out loud and am thankful that the girls enjoy watching it too. Otherwise I would have to watch it by myself and that might be odd. Oh whatever, it's odd either way. But the show is so dang funny!!

Ok. I really need to get out more so I can tell you more stories. That will be my goal. More good stories.

It's All Good

No active Sarcoidosis. Yay! I will have to add my two cents here....I think I am getting a cold/sinus thingy, which may have affected the test results. Anyway, all that was found was a nickle size area on my left lung from where the radiation zapped, burned, destroyed, whatever you want to say.

Anyway, just wanted to let bloggerland know. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers and crossed fingers, etc.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Expect the Unexpected

So maybe this is God's way of letting me know that maybe I should not be so comfortable when it comes to my cancer check ups. I didn't live by my own motto....hope for the best, prepare for the worst. But I suppose in this case it should be prepare for something not quite so pleasant. It's not the worst, as far as we know, so that's something, right?

I had my pulmonary function test this morning, along with blood work. It was kind of a surprise last night that I was having the PF test since I didn't actually read my paperwork until last night. I have had one of these tests every 3 months in the past 6 months. As a reminder, last summer I ended up with bumps on my leg and after having them biopsied found out that it was my Sarcoidosis. Treatable with a cream, which worked well. Since then my oncologist has been following me to make sure there is nothing else going on as far as my Sarcoidosis goes. And up until today, there wasn't. The amount in which I take in oxygen and let out CO2 has dropped by 10% in the past 3 months. What does this mean? We don't know. Yet. My oncologist set me up with a chest x-ray and a chest CT scan, which I had done today. On Friday morning I go back to Mayo to see a Pulmonary specialist to hopefully find out what the heck is going on.

See? Got too sure of myself. So instead of this huge relief and crash from the stress that builds up from my oncology visits, we are still in stress mode.

I know I have a lot of you out there who will be saying prayers and such, and I truly appreciate it. I do ask just one thing, please no comments to the tune of "Everything will be fine", "I'm sure it's nothing", "Don't worry"....yadda yadda yadda. I will not know if everything will be fine, or that it's nothing, or stop worrying until I know what the hell is going on. Until then.......

A Couple Things

First, my mom's surgery has been changed to next month. Her wounds are starting to look at little better. It would help if they were healed a little bit more before surgery. So now it is on March 10th. Yeah for healing wounds!

Next, I forgot to ask for thoughts and prayers for today. D and I are at Mayo for my 6 month check. I am so tired! I was up at a little after 4:30am to get here on time for my first appointment. Now I just want to sleep. Is that so wrong?!?

Anyway, I guess that's it for now, I will let you know how the rest of the day goes later. Hasta la bye bye.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

700

This marks my 700th post since I began my blog. 700. An odd thought.

On this 700th post I decided to talk about my friend Wendy. I met her about 5 years ago in the chemo room. She was being treated for colon cancer at age 32, and I was being treated for breast cancer at age 29. We formed a quick bond for obvious reasons, not to mention the fact that we had kids close in age. Her daughter is 6 months old than Nadia, one year younger than Claire.

She worked at one of the hair salons in town, and I started going to her. We would chat about our cancers, and the difficulties with being treated for cancer while having young kids. We talked about the stuff that only another cancer patient would understand. And we did.

I would see Wendy around town, at the pool, at Target, and as time passed she told me about her cancer spreading. I cried in Target for her as she told me that things didn't look good right now for her. She was no longer working, struggling just to take care of her kids and meet their needs.

Wendy passed away this past Friday night, after falling into a brief coma. I went to the wake with the girls tonight. I saw Wendy for the last time, paid my respects and thanked God for ending her pain. It had been a long 5 years for her.

So, here's to you, Wendy, a woman with a smile that could light up any room, a woman who helped me sort out a lot of my feelings, a woman who will be missed. Number 700 is dedicated to you. Peace.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Sniffle....Sniffle....Sniffle

Wah! I had an appointment today to go to the.........dentist. I had planned on using sedation. In fact, I was pretty pumped about not remembering what there were going to do to me. Until I found out that THEY did not plan on me using sedation (ear piercing scream here). So, what did I have done? A flipping root canal!! With no sedation! AHHHH!!!! That was, oh, going on 8 hours ago, and I can just now feel my tongue. I absolutely love my dentist and his staff. They are like little angels here on earth. With that being said, I hate going to the dentist. I have had way too many bad experiences with dental/orthodontic stuff that I don't think I will ever be okay going to the dentist, which is really unfortunate since I really like to visit with all of them there. Sigh. We can't have it both ways I suppose. Now, where's my Advil?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Need For Speed

Why in the world do I find the need, while passing someone who is going WAY too slow in the fast lane, to look at them? Why must I see who is driving so incredibly slow? In most cases, it's a little old lady or man. Sometimes it is a younger twenty something person who must just be thinking so hard that their car cannot go the speed limit. Either way, I feel the need to look. They never look back. Why? Why don't you people look back so you can see the annoyance in my face? Just once. That's all I ask. And yes, I know I am admitting to passing in a no passing lane, but really, what other choice do I have?

My Mom

When my dad was diagnosed last year, my mom put her own medical issues to the side to help my dad through his. It was very noble of her, if you know what she has been going through. If you don't, I am here to tell you, as she is rather modest.

Two years ago my mom had a bowel re-sectioning due to diverticulitis. The surgery went ok, but she ended up getting a would infection and was placed in a nursing home for I think it was about 3 weeks. She had to endure a lot of painful things while trying to get the wound to heal up. I kid you not when I say that it was at least four inches long, and at least an inch and a half to two inches deep. It had to be packed and eventually they put a wound vac to suck out all of the naughty fluid. Imagine having an open wound and someone putting the hose part of a vacuum on it. She dealt with that for quite some time. In the meantime, she popped another hernia in the area where the wound was. The doctors did not want to touch it until the wound healed. Well, the bigger the hernia got, the more her "new" skin ripped open. It never had a chance to heal with the ever growing hernia. Fast forward two years and here we are. I go to the doctor with her about every 3 weeks to make sure that there is no infection and to check all of the open sores on her belly. She looks as if she is carrying a basketball a little off to the side of her belly. It's huge.

We came to an overpass and she decided that she can no longer continue day to day in this way. She has decided to have surgery to try and repair the hernia. Because she has a high risk of infection, due to the open sores, the doctors are going to use a mesh made from collagen. They will have to piece together a couple of them since they don't come big enough to cover her hernia. There is also another risk dealing with her intestines. If they are pressed up against the wall of her abdomen, they doctors run a risk of tearing them while trying to remove them from the skin. Think of it like Velcro. It's very similar.

Nothing is certain until the doctors can get in there and look around a little. She will have all three surgeons on her case. I have a lot of faith in them and their work as two of the three have worked on me in the past. But the thing to be certain of is this, she is a high risk patient. There's a chance she won't make it through. There's a chance she will be ok. What does one say to that? Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

It will be a major major surgery, and the recovery will be hellish. They are expecting her to be in the hospital for may a week and a half. If things go ok, she will go home to recover. If there are some complications, she will go back to the nursing home. If there are major complications, she will go to the cities to a specialized center. She could be there for months.

So, that is what is going on in our family now a days. Her surgery is scheduled for Feb 17th. Of course, I will update on my blog. Say some strong strong prayers please. As always, thank you.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Just So You Know

As I am sitting here at my computer, it is -20 degrees outside. Actual temp. I am afraid to think of what the windchill might be. -20! I have to say it again, -20! That seems sick and wrong. It is so cold that school was canceled for tomorrow 4 hours ago! So let's think all of this out......

Monday: We had an early release day. Too much snow.
Tuesday: We had a late start day. Lots of icy patches, along with too much snow.
Wednesday: We had a FULL day of school! Sha-zam!
Thursday: No school. Too cold. Way too cold.

I can hardly see what Friday will bring us. What a crazy week this has been!

***Just checked the windchill. It's only -30. ***

My New Toy











So Dion got me a Canon Rebel XS for Christmas, and I LOVE IT!! I have started up another blog that will consist mostly of photos......










I have gotten some pictures put onto a disk, so now I can upload them to my blog(s). Enjoy!




Thursday, January 08, 2009

Grrrrrrr!

I can't figure out how to get my pictures from my new camera onto the computer! The camera came with some disks, but alas, I can't figure them out!

On the same note, I am trying to find a place where I can get inexpensive photography supplies. If you know of any (besides eBay, which I am constantly looking at), let me know. I am looking for lights and backdrops, mostly.

I haven't been working my second job with disabled adults because classes won't start up again for them until February. I miss it. Which is good. It's something to look forward to.

I got my hair cut. Now there's some exciting news.

I have been going to my mom's doctor appointments with her for her hernia that has grown into what looks like my mom is carrying a baby....off to the side. Next week we are going to meet again with Beth (the surgeon) to get any questions we may have answered and talk more about the upcoming surgery, which is going to be massive. I believe all three surgeons are going to work on her, trying to get her intestines back where they belong. There are a lot of risks to this surgery, mostly due to the fact that she still has open wounds from her last surgery 2 years ago. When she had her bowel resection, she developed a wound infection. Soon after a hernia (the one mentioned above) formed and because it just gets bigger and bigger, it keeps tearing open her skin on her abdomen. Hence her open wounds. She is in a lot of pain, more often than not. All of this got put on hold when my dad was diagnosed a year ago, and now here we are with a lot to think over. If everything were to go perfectly for the surgery, she would be in the hospital 5-7 days. If there are complications, obviously it could be longer. Beth warned that it may well even be months. There is a very high risk of infection, which makes the risk of death higher too. But, the way she is living day to day now, just is not a good quality of life. Enough on that. I will tell more after the next appointment.

Dion and I are going out to eat with Mr & Mrs. Smitten Kitten tomorrow night. Yay for going out to eat with adults and not eating at McDonald's! No offense, Ronald, but one can only stand so much of that food, not to mention the sometimes crappy toys they hand out which I normally just end up stepping on and cursing anyway.

Ok, I am signing out for now.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Happy New Year

2009. Wow. Sometimes there are things that trigger memories, and it really feels like that event happened just months ago. Until I realize that 6 years have passed. Or 10 years. Or even 15. We are always told have fast time goes by, and for some reason, we never really believe it. That is, until we look back and see that in fact, it really does.

There are so many memory triggers that take me back to different times. The other night I went out with some friends to a bar (that in itself can trigger memories). And living in a small town, I have learned that around every corner there is someone I know. And who do I see at the bar, but my ob nurse when Nadia was born with her husband, daughter, and who I assume to be her daughter's boyfriend/husband. I walked over to where she was and grabbed her arm. We hugged and I was thrown back into the memories of when Nadia was born, and everything else that surrounded it. We laughed about how it had been almost 5 years since she helped me through my labor. 5 years. She was meant to be my nurse that night. At one point in her career she worked in oncology. I had been diagnosed with breast cancer the day before I met her. She gave me tips for surviving through chemo. For those few days, she made everything alright. After she found out Nadia's name, she came back into my room with a baby name book in her hand, yelling, "Nadia's name means HOPE!" What a ray of sunshine on my turned upside down world.

When she left the bar that night, she came over to me and said that she was so happy that I was almost to the 5 year mark, and that she would never forget me. I will go to my grave forever grateful to her for all she did for me those few days, and I will never forget her either.

I got my hair cut the other day, and I was talking to the stylist about all of my radical hair changes. My mind went back to a picture I have somewhere of me sitting on the floor with our dog. My hair was bone straight and went down to probably about my naval. I can't imagine having hair that long now. Not because I wouldn't want it, but because, well actually, I don't know why. Weird.

Amalia asked me to post on how I am doing. To be honest, I really don't know. There are days that I just want to be alone, which is hardly ever possible. There are days that are fine. There are times, like last night at our neighbor's house, where I am just living in the moment and having a good time. I have no clue what I am supposed to be doing, or feeling for that matter. I do feel like I am at a standstill. Kind of stuck on Tuesday, when all you want is for it to be Wednesday, hump day. Like I have gotten through some emotions, but can't get moving on others. Blah blah blah. I seem to be going in circles.

January marks the year anniversary of when my dad was diagnosed. A year. I don't know how last year slipped through my fingers so fast. I go back through my memories of the talks that my dad and I had, and how special they are to me now (well, then too). I can look back at doing what I could to help my parents, and I am satisfied. I have no regrets, but of course not having more time. I still had to work and keep up with my family at home, but I know that I did what I could. There are of course so not-so-fond memories....(STOP READING NOW IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW OF ANY DETAILS OF WHAT CANCER DID TO MY DAD!!!!)the bruises and cuts from when he was too stubborn to let people help him and he fell, picking him up and getting him into the hospital bed, the bleeding mouth sores, his pain, seeing his watch go from fitting his wrist to being able to slide down his arm, his skin becoming a different shade, his legs and feet swelling to the point of being shinny and just out of proportion to the rest of him. His hair got greyer as time passed, and had thinned when he did chemo. His belly got huge, but then started to go down, and down, and down. You could count all of his ribs, and his clavicle stuck out like someone from a concentration camp. I watched his cheeks sink in, turning him into someone that I would not have recognized.

When going to Mayo he would have to sit in the back with the seats reclined to take the pressure off of his bloated belly. The last time I held his hand was after he died. The time before that was after his last appointment at Mayo, in the parking ramp. What a horrible day that was. The cancer had returned, there was nothing left to do. I remember starting to tear up in the doctor's office. Then the tears wouldn't stop. The doctor said we could stay back in the room as long as we needed to, but I knew that my reaction was not going to change. I pushed my dad's wheelchair, tears streaming down my face. Of course, when you come out of the back into the waiting room of the oncology department crying, everyone knows. We went over to the elevators and while I was standing behind my dad, I could see his lip quivering. My dad. My powerful, strong dad was facing something he could not win. And there was nothing we could do to change it. I held his hand in the parking lot as we walked to the car. It was so warm and soft. His hand were always soft. After getting home, I just drove around town for over an hour. Getting no where fast.

Some of the things I wrote are things I haven't talked to anyone about before. Just memories buried in my mind, not really wanting to surface. I watched my dad die a slow and painful death. But now, there are times when I feel him around me. And when I have those feelings, he is not the sick man I last saw, he is the captain of his boat, smiling with both his mouth and eyes.

And that, is what gets me through.