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Friday, May 30, 2008

Unknown

After calling Mayo again today, my parents finally got a phone call back from the oncologist. Long story short, he is suggesting that my dad just continue with pain meds. The biopsy showed that the lymphoma is in his marrow. So there you have it. I am dreading the next couple of months for my dad. I really don't know what to say at this point, but (and I hope that this doesn't sound horrible) I hope that things progress fast. I hope he only has minimal suffering. I wish there was something someone could do.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I Take it Back

My parents called Mayo today and the reason they didn't have the results of the test were because they are still pending for whatever reason. So all those not so nice thoughts I had about the oncology department, I take back.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Phone Call

Or in this case, no phone call. My dad's doctor didn't call today with the bone marrow biopsy report, so I have nothing to report. That's all I really have to say about all of this right now.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Claire's Preschool Graduation






We celebrated the end of an era for Claire. She is done with preschool and will be off to kindergarten this fall. Can you believe how fast time flies? Here are some pictures from the night. The kids did such a wonderful job, and props to their teacher for getting them where they are today.

Photoshop


This is Sig. He is the captain of the Northwestern on The Deadliest Catch. I love him. Dion created this for me, but ignore the hairy buff arms...they aren't mine. Nor is the cowboy hat. But Sig is. Mine...all mine!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Rushing to Wait

Another day goes down in the book as not being a very good day. My dad's cancer is back. We went to Mayo today for his test results, and while we are still waiting for the bone marrow biopsy, we know that it's back. Now, banking on the biopsy coming back as only having Lymphoma in it and not another cancer, here are his options.

1. He can choose to do nothing and manage the pain that he is having.
2. He can try another round of different chemo drugs.
3. He can try and get into a study.
4. He can do a bone marrow transplant using his own stem cells.

The first three are pretty self explanatory. I learned a lot about stem cells today. They used to take it from the bone marrow, but now they can get them from the blood. But it's not that easy. First he would have to be approved by insurance. The price? $150,000 to $200,000 for the transplant. Yikes, huh? After that happens, it would start his hospital stay of 5 weeks, maybe more, maybe less. The first week would be testing to make sure that his mind and body can handle the transplant. If that goes well, the rest of the time is spent doing chemo to try and reduce as much of the cancer that they can, doing the actual removal of the stem cells, and more chemo.

But, until they get the results of the biopsy, this is all a moot point. We were told though that if he chose to do nothing that he was looking at months to live. 2, 3 maybe 4. I drove to Mayo separately from my parents since I had to work in the morning. I spent the ride home listening to Eminem. Loud. I had waves of sorrow, anger, fear, and anger again. My mind is still spinning even though I had an idea of what we were going to be told. After I got into town, I drove around for about another 2 hours, stopping only to run into the gas station bathrooms. I was driving around to go nowhere and succeeded. I went up to the bluff and looked over the town. I saw some people playing Frisbee golf, and wished life was that easy. But it's not. We were never told that it would be, but a little break in the helter skelter would be nice.

I thought for such a long time that I had it so bad with having breast cancer. Poor me. I was pretty good at throwing myself a private pity party with myself being the only person invited. Lucky I showed up every time. I look at things differently now. I look at how much worse things could have been for me. I look at my dad, my heart hurting for what he has gone through, is going through, and will go through. On so many levels there are so many things about this that just are not right. And now we wait.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Keeping Up...or the Lack of it

I find myself not being able to keep up with thing in general. I have phone calls to friends to return. I haven't. I have piles of clothes to wash. I'm working on it, but not making much progress. I have my emotions to deal with concerning my dad. I haven't touched on them as of yet. I haven't blogged for a bit, that would mean having to get my feelings out there about everything. I figured it was time. Not only for that but for an update on my dad. This week is another busy one, and the only way I can handle it is one day at a time and hopefully that will suffice.

I recently worked over 54 hours in a week, 34 hours over my regular shifts. I think I have recovered from that, but again this week I have to sub 3 times for staff. Tonight is Claire's graduation from preschool, tomorrow is Nadia's carnival for preschool. They will have a blast, as they always do for school things. But the big thing this week is my dad.

He had an ultrasound done of his stomach since he is still having problems with pain, etc. It has been 9 weeks since he stopped chemo, so he should be feeling better than he is, and he shouldn't be only able to stay out of bed for 4-6 hours like he is now. The ultrasound showed that his abdomen is filling with fluid again, and that his spleen is enlarged again. One would think that the cancer has returned, but nothing has been said by his doctor about that. Yet. Wednesday he will be going to Mayo for blood work and another PET scan. Thursday he will be having another bone marrow biopsy and will be meeting with his oncologist. I will be there for that appointment, after I get Nadia back to daycare.

I don't know what to think. I mean, I have an idea of what is going on, but I hate watching it, and thinking about it, and seeing my dad go through it. He once was a man who demanded attention when he walked through the doors, and because of his size and demeanor, he got it. He once was a man who walked 20 feet in front of us, his long stride making us almost run to catch up with him. He once was a man who if crossed, you felt the wrath. He was very successful in his career, supervising many many people. I see a shell of that today. I see a man who needs help when trying to get up and down the stairs. I see a man who can no longer walk 20 feet in front of us, now he is in front of us in the form of being in a wheelchair when getting around at Mayo or at the store. But what hasn't changed is the sparkle in his eyes when he says something funny. If you get past how much his looks have changed, you can still see that man inside of him. I think though, that he is just tired. This cancer stuff is not easy, my friends. I will keep you posted.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day






We spent the day with my parents and sister today. Dion cooked the food and it was delicious! Here are some pictures for you....