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Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Is This Heaven?

That is what Nadia asked me when we got to the top of the hill of the cemetery that my dad is in. She is such a thinker. What led up to us going to the cemetery was last night. I spent about an hour or so at bed time (well, past bed time) trying to comfort my crying daughters who miss my dad. The conversation went up, down, and all around. At one point, Nadia had a complete look of confusion while crying asking,

"How can there be people who do not believe in God? He made them! How can they not love Him?

She was so confused and sad. Claire asked me if after grandpa got to heaven, could he die again? They both pulled the 8 X 10 pictures they have of them and their grandpa off of the dressers and put them in bed with them. It was pretty much a heartbreaking night.

It's hard to believe that he died almost 2 years ago. I have very little memories of that summer. And the memories I have are mostly of him and how his body began to fail him. One night I drove to Rochester to hang out with him in the hospital. He acted mad that I drove an hour to sit in the room with him, but we talked more that night than probably our whole relationship. I asked questions and listened to his answers, not wanting to leave, but knowing I had a family at home who needed me too. I stayed there about 2 hours.

I remember the feeling of when he was cancer free and the horrible feeling shortly there after when the cancer was back in full force taking over his body. And as Forrest Gump would say,

"And that's all I got to say about that."

Damn it cancer! Get out of my life!

Monday, June 07, 2010

Day One? Survived.

The first official day of summer with the girls is about over and we all have survived. Yay! Today was packed full of not much of anything. I did make a hair wrap for each of the girls, which they seem to like for now. We played outside, went swimming in our friends pool, watched some quality movies like Winnie the Pooh, and played outside some more. I was going to go to my mom's, but I decided that the first day home would be just that.

I am noticing that the summer is rapidly filling up with things to do and places to go. That seems to happen every year. It's not a bad thing, it just is what it is.

I say the day is almost done because as I type this, out of the corner of my eye I see a little 6 year old girl who is trying to take a stand against going to bed. They are having trouble understanding that while they don't have school in the morning, they can't stay up all night. I think she just made her way over to the stairs. She has been a handful as of late, getting that little kindergartner attitude. And just ask either of my girls....I know nothing. They will ask me a question, to which I answer, and then they proceed to tell me that I am wrong. Oh how I don't long for the teen age years.

And now to go give kisses and hugs good night.....

Sunday, June 06, 2010

The Office

Every time that show comes on, I never ever go past the theme song on our DVR. Never. I figured out why. It makes me happy. You see, I started watching The Office when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I knew for those 30 minutes, that I wouldn't have to think of cancer. All I had to do was wonder what prank Jim would pull on Dwight, what dumb thing Michael would say, and why the heck was Pam with Roy? 30 minutes. Not a long time. Unless of course you're afraid you're going to die.

To this day, that theme song means the world to me.

Just thought you'd like to know......

Not a Good Sign

I find it kind of scary that I am tired after this weekend. It's not like we did anything spectacular, it was pretty quiet actually. I am however, feeling like I could go to bed right now. I have been racking my brain trying to figure out things that I can do with the girls this summer that cost little to no money. It's a challenge I tell you. There are low cost things to do, but you have to drive to get there, which costs money. I am not too sure this whole new job without working in the summer is going to work out for us. But I will try to be positive, try to think of things to keep the girls busy, and try not to buy anything but food and toilet paper. Sounds like a fun summer, huh?

This upcoming week I will be taking the girls to my mom's so I can continue with packing her house up. It is rather overwhelming, trying to get all of this done. She wants it ready by the middle of the month. Yikes. Lots to do. Let alone things that have to get done around here.

But on the home front, the garage is starting to come to life. It is framed and you can actually start seeing what the finished product will be. It's exciting. But at the same time stressful. Well, that and other things going on. But that's for another time. Maybe. I actually think the added stress is why I am tired.

I haven't been able to take many pictures as of late, but when we went to Illinois I was able to take some. You might be able to find me on Flickr and see some of the new ones. I need to get out more though. It's good for my soul.

And I need some good things for my soul lately.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

A New Era

Can you believe it? Tomorrow is Nadia's last day of kindergarten. I'm not quite sure where time went, but it didn't even have the courtesy to let me know. What the heck? My baby doll is no longer a baby. How sad. As a side note though, this little baby doll of mine had two, count them, two head injuries at school this year. She is going to be our broken bone/stitches child. The first head bump was from being pushed outside by a classmate. It was quite the bump. About an inch and a half long, by maybe an inch across. But it was nothing compared to the second one which happened last week. The school called to have me pick her up because she got pale and sweaty after getting into the nurses office. This was was about as big in size, but stuck much further out than the first one. Oh, and it was in the same exact spot as the first one. I talked to the playground supervisor, and she said that Nadia was trying to jump over backpacks and didn't make it. But then she stood up and was holding her head while looking at the scrape on her knee. No tears, not until it was made known to her that she had a good bump. I took her in for this one as it was worse than the first and in the same spot. Everything was ok though. Her big concern, as was with the first one, was if her bangs would cover the bump. They did. Problem solved.

So since I am not working this summer, I am trying to find cheap things to do since I will not have a paycheck as well. I guess we will find out if we sink or swim this summer financially. Not really looking forward to that at all. We'll see......

It seems like this will be a replay of last summer as far as famous people deaths. We are not off to a good start so far with Gary Coleman and Dennis Hopper on the list so far. Sad. But in an odd way, intriguing. Is that odd?

Tonight our local theater (play theater, not movie theater) showed The Wizard of Oz. It. Was. Awesome. The girls really liked it and I caught Nadia singing a few times. So cute.There were quite a few people there which was pretty awesome.

Ok, we are watching Deadliest Catch (speaking of stars who passed away). It is almost surreal watching Phil at the helm, knowing that he has died since the filming took place. I wonder how future seasons are going to go. I wonder how everyone is dealing with his death. I don't want this season to end because then the reality of his death is right there in front of you.

Before I close, I have to say a big thank you to Fox for not killing off Jack Bauer. I know that was a couple weeks ago, but sad as it is, I still think about it. I was so worried that they were going to kill him, but they didn't! They didn't! Maybe Jack will be back. I hope so. I love him.


Off I go.....