There was an error in this gadget

Sunday, December 30, 2007

I Vant to Suck Your Blooooood!

I went back to the clinic to do a re-test of my cholesterol. Not good....again. Even after being put on medication. So my doctor asked what he is going to do with me, and decided on trying another medication that he thinks will work better. Here's a little synapse of my blood work...

CHOLESTEROL 219

TRIGLYCERIDES 361

HDL CHOLESTEROL 40

VLDL-CALCULATED 72

CHOLESTEROL/HDL RATIO 5.4

Now, I don't know what some of that means, but I do know that there are issues. In my defense though, one of the cancer meds I am on make your triglycerides go up. Not that I am making excuses......

Trying to Enjoy

I have been messing around with my blog trying to add some new things, and while I try and remember that this is for fun, I tend to get a little frustrated with my lack of knowledge when it comes to this stuff.

So you will see some changes (inspired by another blogger who just changed hers, thank Eliza!) and hopefully all will be well.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

HA! It Worked!







Here are the pictures from before that I mentioned. These are taken at our neighbors house. Dewey is in one of the pictures. He is one of the only two boys the girls will admit to liking. They always have fun when they all play together, which is pretty darn cool.

Some Winter Wonderland Fun

We were invited next door to play in the snow. So we did.


That was going to be my post along with some fun pictures, but for some reason I can't get them to load on to the page. I have to get off of this website before I go insane.......too late.

Happy Holidays!

If you want to see a bunch of Christmas pictures, click below. If not, well then, there's nothing else to read in this post.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/22248031@N06/sets/72157603565275723/show/

Sunday, December 23, 2007

What I Want

I want so bad to be able to be positive about re-checks. I want to go in with a huge smile on my face, with no fear, with the confidence of a superstar, and mean it. Instead, I go in acting like I have no fear, all the confidence in the world, but still, with a smile on my face. It never really gets bad until I get the dang paper work from Mayo to fill out. I haven't done that yet since my appointment is about a month and a half away. I haven't filled it out because it asks if there is anything that you want to talk to your doctor about. What if I fill it out now, but a week before I go in I have these headaches that won't go away, or the pain I have in my hip is worse, what if I miss telling the doctor something because I filled out the paperwork early? Nope, I have to wait.

I can feel myself slipping a little closer each time. Like I am almost ready to accept that I just may be ok. But, when I get to that point, where I am so close, fear grabs me by the shoulders and says....

"Remember? Remember when you were so confident? Do you remember what happened?

And while it turned out to not be cancer returning, it was enough to scare me into never getting that comfy. But I really really want to. I just don't know how.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

I am Sorry

I am writing this because Dion is almost in tears that I have not created another post to say in public (except in the comment area) that I apologize to Darin. I was wrong, I misunderstood Dion's comment on the Santa picture post. Darin is NOT a TRAITOR....I repeat, DARIN IS NOT A TRAITOR! Never ever go around saying that Darin is a traitor because you would be wrong.

Good day.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Ding Dong Ding Dong

Hark! Do I hear wedding bells?!?

Monday, December 17, 2007

My Brother-in-law Darin

TRAITOR!


How could you tell him?!? Now I will have to post pictures of you on my blog.......be afraid....very afraid.....bwah-ha-ha-haaaaaa!!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Dang It

Last night my theory of not getting sick went down the toilet.....literally. But I am feeling much better today, even eating some cereal. Go me.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Let's See How Long


Anyone want to take some bets on how long it is until Dion's notices that I have this picture on my blog? Don't spill the beans Charlie!!

Some Pictures For All to Enjoy






A Second Happy Family Update

Dion came home from work early today, with......yep, the flu. I have been the only one to avoid it so far and I have a theory. I think because I am still on antibiotics from my sinus infection, that I have a super duper immune system right now. Either that or come Christmas I will be throwing up, not really wanting to eat all the yummy cookies and cakes and treats. Yeah, that sounds more like how things go for me. I can hardly wait.

A Happy Family Update

Just to let you know that in the last 3 days, everyone in this house (minus Dion and I for the time) has had or has the flu.


I have not gotten my Christmas cards out yet. Too much puking going on here........

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Does Anyone Else Just Not Feel It?

I don't know what my problem is this year, but I am having a hard time getting into the Christmas mood. I have yet to send out cards (I am going to try and address them tomorrow), I am lacking in the gift buying department, and all we have in our house is a lonely Christmas tree. And it really isn't decorated all that well.

I don't feel the merriment of the season, and in fact, I have been so busy that right now, to me, the holidays don't exist quite yet. Maybe the fact that they (meaning retailers) bring out holiday stuff when we are plum in the middle of Halloween, has something to do with it. Or maybe it's the constant whining from the girls that just makes me want to buy socks for them, and nothing else. I don't know. It just seems that lately I have been saying to myself that when this week is over, things will be better. Then I say it again the next week. Then the next. My head is spinning at times.

I am trying to be more patient with the girls, but I swear, they know when I am mentally not doing so hot and push my buttons even more. Is that like the first rule of being a child? For example, I have asked Nadia ten thousand times when I put her in her car seat to not rub her snowy boots on my legs. Guess what she did today. I asked Claire to throw away her lollipop stick in the garbage and she said she did. I found it on the landing of the basement stairs. Don't get me wrong, they are good kids, but once in a while they get in this streak of just really trying to give me gray hair.

So here I sit, just not feeling the holiday feeling, even though I did listen to a Christmas cd today. It was the second disk of a two disk set. I can't find the first disk, the one that I actually like, and wouldn't you just know that to be the case?

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Day 7

I am on day 7 of antibiotics, and was hoping that I would feel almost 100% by now. That is not the case.

Saturday, December 01, 2007





Visitors!






So we had 5 children aged 5 and under in our house, and it was awesome! Natalie and Darin came for a visit with their kids Mark, Liza, and Gabe. The kids had a blast, and played Uno quite a bit. It is so fun to watch our kids become friends with our friend's kids. Did that make sense?

Friday, November 30, 2007

How Did You Do That?

Ok, how do you make a link of your favorites on the sidebar of your blog? I suck. Some day I may figure all of this out, but I wouldn't suggest holding your breath.

Dreams

I have been holding out on this post for a bit, as it is kind of disturbing. Well, actually, the post is not disturbing but the dreams I have been having are disturbing. To the point that I have not mentioned them to anyone. Anyone. Part of it is fear, part is worry, part is just that I feel people may not want to hear about these dreams. So to get them out of my head and onto a screen, I will be writing about them now.


It hasn't been an overwhelmingly amount of dreams, in fact I believe there have only been three of them. In all of them I am in some kind of situation where my life is in danger. I have an extreme amount of fear, but at the same time, anger. I can't remember what exactly is going on in my dreams, but I know that there is someone out there trying to either hurt or kill me. Actually, I know it is kill me now that I sit here and think about it. I know this because in every dream I yell out, "I am not going to be killed by you after I survived cancer!" In one of the dreams there was a line of screaming and crying that I did that said,

"I did not lose my breasts, to die now! I did not lose all of my hair to survive, to die now! I did not get burnt until I bled from radiation, to die now! I did not do a years worth of preventative chemo, to die now! I did not lose myself, to die now!"


All of this I was screaming and that out of control crying that happens from time to time. I really don't know why I am having these dreams, I know I wake up and wonder how much of it I screamed out loud. I have woken up with a damp cheek from crying in my dreams. I am trying to figure out why, after 3 and a half years, my brain has decided to go into high drive with these thoughts. I may not know why, but I do know the thoughts that come naturally for me. I have a 6 month check coming up in about 2 months. There are always fears that go along with check ups, but nothing like these dreams I have been having. I am hoping they will subside for a bit and give my brain a little break.

I have always had vivid dreams. i used to write them down when I woke up. A few months ago I found one of my dream books and read my dreams. I remembered them like they happened last night. I don't want to remember the most recent ones anymore.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

When Things Just Don't Seem to Be Going Right

Here are a few things that I have seen in the recent past that have made me stop and think. Sometimes we get into this negative funk, thinking the worse for everything. It is at that point that I have to stop and think, or watch, or listen and I see that things may not be always as them seem. For example:

A little while back I was looking up the hill from across the street. I saw a lot of movement and what looked like garbage bags being thrown (or rolled, actually) down the side of the hill. I couldn't believe that the people who lived up there would throw their garbage down on us commoners. Then I realized, it wasn't bags of garbage, it was a herd of deer. There had to have been 4 or 5 of them running down the hill and through the yards across the streets. It was magnificent.

There is a child at work who has quite a few issues due to a rough family life. Some people see him approaching them and they get a little worried as to what he will say or do. He came up to me I said hi, and he gave me a huge hug. In the beginning of the school year, he didn't even want someone patting his shoulder. He stuck to me like glue the rest of the morning. It was awesome.

My office is in a classroom that used to belong to my program. Due to lack of space, our room was turned into an actual classroom. I know the teacher, he is also a cancer folk like me. I like him. He's fun, down to earth and realistic. I was sitting in my little office when a sneezing fit attacked. I am not a quiet sneezer. In fact, I can sometime break windows. Not really, but whatever. I felt bad that I was interrupting his teaching, until the whole classroom yelled out guzhuntite (not sure how to spell in German)I peeked my head out the door and said thank you.

I had to take both children to the doctor for well visits (I was a little late on Nadia's). Claire is now 5 so she had to get her 5 year old shots. Yikes. When the time came for the three shots, all hell broke loose. It took three of us to get the deed done. Claire cried (of course) but then I saw that Nadia was crying. She has done this before. There have been times when Claire got hurt and was crying, and Nadia tears up. She honestly feels really bad when Claire is in pain. In fact, every time Claire brought up the shots later that night (which was A LOT as you can imagine), Nadia would tear up again, saying that she was sad that Claire had owies. Nadia has proclaimed that she will never turn 5 because she doesn't want those shots either.


So, I am trying, with the holidays to remind me, that not everything is as it seems, that a lot of things have a ring of hope and promise around them, even if at the time it doesn't seem that way. Happy Holidays everyone!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

In Reference to The Earlier Post


The auction stated, and I quote.....



"HEAVY Heavy Coat, this measures 52 around the bust line and 40 inches in overall length with a drawstring around the hem as well as the waist to block out the wind.4 cargo pockets on the front with buttons for full closure. Sweatshirt material around the inside collar for better comfort. the cuffs are also doubled with sweatshirt material so no wind or rain is going to get in. This resembles a military jacket!"

Basically it was a windbreaker, not suitable for MN winters. What a joke. Doesn't matter, I have taken care of the situation and now have a new winter coat. Yeah for me.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Jury Duty

Did I mention that I have jury duty for three months? Unlike a lot of people, it doesn't really bother me all that much. The one thing that I don't like is having to call to see if I actually have to show up that day. For example, I am to go in on the 19th. I am supposed to call in the morning of to listen to a recording to see if I actually have to report. At 10:30am to be exact. So I do what I am supposed to do. I call at 10:30am, not knowing if I will have to change things around for work, daycare, and preschool. What has happened both times I have gotten a letter? The recording says to call back at 10:45am to be told if I have to report or not. Both times I have not had to report. I get all excited to be a part of the system, to have all my hopes dashed. I mean, they do pay $20 a day, and they do give about $.19 a mile for mileage. I live about 3 blocks from the courthouse, so I am talking about big bucks I would be getting for this. I told Dion the only way it could get any better would be if I would get sequestered. How awesome would that be? I would take a bunch of books, some bubble bath, and comfy pj's. Sigh.......I can dream, right?

Big Fat Liar!!!

Here's a warning to you....when someone on eBay says the coat they are selling is "Heavy, heavy", make sure you find out their definition of heavy. According to the lady that I bought my "coat" from, heavy heavy means a fall jacket. I curse her. Yes, that's right, I CURSE HER!!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

My Coat Dilemma

As you understand, I live in a state where it tends to get cold pretty darn early. I think for Halloween it was in the 30's, which was not that bad. Last year I think it was in the 20's so rock on global warming. Remember in the day when we were going to move? In my extreme need for getting things started/done I was so smart and started packing objects that we didn't need out at the time or things that were the wrong season. Little did I know that we would be in this house come winter time.

Now, follow me here, it has started to get to a point where a sweatshirt just won't work to keep the chilly willies out. I know. I tried. So, I was off to try and dig out my coat from last year which of course was not located with my winter clothes. Why would I do something that made so much sense?

After digging through a hall closet, and falling into it, and almost getting stuck, I found my coat. HA! I push my arms through the sleeves feeling the down feathers instantly warming my body. I remember from the year before that the zipper was starting to stick, so I fumbled with the little rectangular piece for a while. Something didn't feel right though. I took the front and tried to pull it together as to resemble a zipper and was in shock. They wouldn't meet in the middle! There were two objects in the way, which happen to be attached to my body in the chest area.

My boobs had grown so much over the past year that my coat no longer fit. BECAUSE OF MY BOOBS! Maybe if I wore my coat like a vest, I could get by with my boob challenged coat. I think there might be a little bit of a breeze effect wearing my coat like that. There is no way I could survive a Minnesota winter with a coat I could not zipper. My boobs would freeze and I wouldn't even know it since I don't have feeling in them.

So, off to eBay I go. I do my search making sure that every coat that I watch has a rather large bust measurement. Nice. I found a few that I liked, but in the meantime I am getting pretty darn cold when I go out. Finally after 5 days I win a coat that will accommodate my chest. I plan on being nice and warm in 3-5 days.

Trying to Decide on Christmas Card Pictures






Friday, October 26, 2007



The effects of radiation on my poor white white skin 3 years after treatment. Looks nice huh? I am a hot mama!

My Armpit

I hate my left armpit. Not that I have a fondness of the right one, but the left one is just annoying. Let me tell you why.



When I had my first mastectomy, the cancer side, the doctor did a lymph node biopsy, which was located under my arm (the armpit). While I did not have any cancer in the lymph nodes, the biopsy has left me with some unnatural feelings. First, my armpit is numb. Since having this surgery, I have made it a habit to shave that pit first. I hate it. To shave over an area that has no feeling just plain old sucks. I never know if I am going to cut myself, and it's like I keep waiting for the numbness to go away, but it doesn't. I also use my Dove deodorant on that pit first. Same thing. It feels odd not feeling anything. And for some reason I rub it on really fast. I kind of like the coolness you feel when putting deodorant on. Odd, I know.



This whole day I have had an itch not really in my armpit, but it feels like it is under the skin. And because I have no feeling there, no matter how much I try and scratch it, the itch is still there. It's almost a form of torture. A lot of times I end up grunting out of frustration that the itch won't go away. Imagine having a bug bite and not matter how much you scratch, you get no relief. Crappy thought, right?



And then there is the pain that goes along with this armpit of mine. Kind of like someone putting little pins into my skin. Some areas are worse than others, but they all hurt when pushed on or bumped. My poor little pit. We won't even talk about the number that radiation has done to my skin. Maybe I will take a little picture for you to enjoy what I get to enjoy every day. Not of my boobs, pervert, just the effects of radiation.



Anyway, I wouldn't mind getting a new pit if it meant I could get the feeling back and the pain gone. Do they do armpit transplants?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Pumpkins!






We picked out and carved some pumpkins last weekend. I will supply the finished product later when I take some pictures tonight. But here are carvings in the making...

Our Last One


If you are in my address book, you already got a message on this. For those of you who are not, we need a little help in this house. We got another cat over a week ago, and have yet to agree on a name.


I found him outside and after a few days took him to the shelter as it was apparent he didn't have a home. They did testing and updated his shots and now he is ours. Want to help pick a name?

Face Book

It was a while back that I was introduced to Face Book by my pal Russ. Recently I have been tinkering around the site, not quite sure as to what I am doing or how I am doing things. Of course, I have been on My Space for a while and still don't know quite what I am doing there, or what I should be doing there. I do know that every once in a while I get asked to "add" someone, hence the reason I have some random bands as part of my friends list.

Anyway, back to Face Book. I have been throwing things at people there, but I am not sure why. I threw a sheep at my cousin, I poked a friend, and I think I somehow tickled everyone on my friend list, but I'm not sure. I know I can send someone a beer, or cheer for them, or dance with them, but I am just not understanding all of this. But it would be nice to dance with someone without them having to see me actually dance. Does all of this mean that I am getting old and just not getting it? Or is it the fact that I have yet to master the art of Face Book? Or is it both? I have no idea.

I do know that I keep going back to the site to see if someone has done something to me, and I believe my cousin has tried to beat me up on the Internet. Virtual fighting....now there is a good concept.

So if you are a part of Face Book, feel free to contact me and tell me what the heck I should be doing there.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Flannels

A few weeks back I got a chance to catch up with some college friends at Homecoming. We looked at pictures, shared some laughs, drank some drinks, and really had a good time. I know that I am not what I used to be in many ways. It was a little bit of a challenge keeping up with the drinks. At least more so than I remembered. We closed the bars like the old days, we had a contest that I believe I should take a ribbon on, we danced with interesting people and each other. I learned what the shots I was doing contained the next day and it made the tossing and turning make a little more sense. Red Bull. I didn't even know shots were made of that, but they are. I limited myself the next night to 2 of them, for the mere fact that I had to get some sleep before the drive home.

Anyway, as I said, we looked at some pictures and oh my lord. It is funny to see the days of pre-low riders. Pants almost up to the armpits....although I cannot take credit for that since most of the time I wore guys jeans. I have this horribly high waist and if I wore girls jeans they would have been just under my chin. In almost every picture, we wore flannel shirts. I remember my closet my freshman year being stuffed with flannels. Of every shade, of every pattern, of every thickness. I loved flannels (still do). Not only shirts, but pants too. It was an awesome time to be in college. While there were some people who did get all dolled up for parties, it was ok to show up in a flannel shirt and jeans. I miss those days, although I still wear flannels, just not as often.

I think back to the days when I weighed in the 130's and sigh. Now between having children and all of the different medications I am on and some of the treatments from breast cancer, well, let's just say I am a ways from the 130's. It's frustrating. Shallow, but frustrating none the less.

I think back to when I was in school and all I wanted to do was graduate. I didn't have a plan on what I was going to do with my life, and I am paying the price for it now. I was an English major, only because I loved to read and write. No minor. Remember, the plan was just to graduate. If I could do it over again, I would change a few things. Maybe have English as a minor, and focus on an actual field where I could get a job that pertained to the four years I spent in college. What would I do, you ask? I would like to be a crime scene investigator. Isn't that odd? Would you pick me as a person who would enjoy doing such a thing?

Wow. I just sat here for a moment thinking. Do you know that I have never in my life declared something that I wanted to do as a career? I have never said, "I would really like to....blah blah blah". Why is that? Why as a child did I not have ambition to follow a dream? Why didn't I set goals for myself and follow through with them? Why don't I do that now? I guess not a lot has changed. Now it just seems like if I make it through each day, then life is good. But is it really? Something is missing and I can't put my finger on it. Then I think to myself how the heck could I squeeze one more thing into each day? Maybe on on-line course of some sort is something to look into. Or not. I don't know.

What I do know is that some day flannels are going to come back into fashion (as fashions always do) and I can't wait.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

What I am Not Allowed to Write About

You silly silly reader, I just said I couldn't write about it Someone might read it, and it might get back to another someone, which would create daily, possibly longterm problems. But let me just say this.....we got screwed! Above and beyond, to the point of I am not sure how we are going to dig ourselves out. But, we always do, so I guess time will tell. I am just really not happy about it.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

My Life on a Dry Erase


Sorry For the Delay

I don't know. The last few weeks have been kicking me into the ground, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I could write for a while about what has been going on, but I think the topic I want to focus on is as follows.

Going through life you obviously meet a lot of people. Duh, right? Then there is your family and friends, doctors and dentists (What? I like like them as people, not for what they do to me. Leave me alone.), and I could go on and on. I hope that all of you reading this has that one person, that one friend whom you trust with your life, who makes you laugh, who cries with you. Or, if you are really lucky, you may have two or three friends like that. I am one of the lucky ones, but this is not what I am wanting to write about.

Sometimes you find someone in your life with whom you feel safe with, besides those friends mentioned above, which is what I had. What these people do not know is once they break that safety, there is no going back. I no longer feel safe with this person, I no longer can talk freely with her, I will no longer do what I have done in the past for her as I basically feel as though it meant nothing. I put myself on the line, put myself in uncomfortable positions for her, and now, well, like I said, she is no longer safe. I mourn the loss of that feeling, but my first feeling is anger. Then shock. I would like to approach said person, but a part of me feels at this point, why bother? Once that feeling of safety is gone, can you ever get it back again? I think not. But I could be wrong. It's happened from time to time. If I were a bigger person I would be able to let it go, but I am not. Maybe some day I will, but for now......

So along with that, I have been summoned for jury duty, I have been putting in extra hours at work, we were supposed to get a new roof yesterday that we can't afford, but have to wait until the rain decides to stop, I have had more dental work done which means more trips to Rochester and more things we can't afford, and I am just trying to get a handle on this life of mine. In the past it was all about living, surviving cancer, and trust me, it still is, but all those other feelings of every day stresses that I had to put on the back shelf, basically put on hold, are trying to figure out how to mesh with the cancer feelings. I can't tell at this point who is winning. It's like I finally have a grasp on cancer, and now I feel the other life woes slipping. I should take a picture of my calendar and post it, and you might get a little glimpse into my world of insanity. Our neighbor asked when his wife was pregnant with their second child if it was that different with 2 kids. I laughed. I told him that it wasn't 2 times the amount of work, it was about 10 times the amount of work. I think I burst his bubble, but I think it is easy for people who have one child (not you , Bran) to judge those of us who have two or more. They wonder why it is such a challenge to keep these kids under control. Some of them don't understand why it would be so difficult. Why aren't our kids totally under control 100% of the time?!? I know some of them think that, but I don't care. Some days are harder than others, but I wouldn't change a thing. I want my kids to remember their childhood as a fun time, not as a control-freak time. I don't need to hold that control all of the time, sometimes I like to just sit back and watch Nadia wrestle Claire to the floor and win. Sometimes I like to watch them sit and read books together. Sometimes I like to run through the house chasing them even though I know "we don't run in the house".

Speaking of the kids, I have to get Nadia ready for school. Sorry about the jumble mumbleness of this post. I am out of practice.


****Since writing this, I have talked to the person mentioned above, but feel the same way as I did before. But for those of you who are panicking, wondering what you did to piss me off (RED!!) never fear. If you are reading this, I promise you are not the person I am referring to as I don't think she reads this ever. Now stop wondering if it is you.....it is not.

Saturday, September 29, 2007



The first day of school for the girls. They grow up so fast!

What?!? September's Almost Over?

Where did this month go? It has been so busy around here, that I guess it is no surprise that I missed almost the whole month. Let's focus on some highlights, shall we?

Claire turned five this month. Where did those five years go? She obviously missed the cut-off date of September 1st to go into kindergarten, but I am kind of happy about that. Having her in another year of preschool won't do her any harm, and it's fun for the girls to know that they go to the same school. Plus, I would rather Claire be one of the oldest in the class than the youngest. I was older than most and enjoyed it.

This month (also Claire's birthday) was our 9th anniversary too. But because it falls on Claire's birthday we sort of push it to the side until we can have a little time for ourselves. 9 years. Where did they go too?

We got a treadmill from Dion's parents and I am on it every other day. I listen to my MP3 and walk/run my fool heart out. Kelsey and I use it on opposite days...I am waiting to see if Dion will brave it next. After using it today, I showered and then have spent the rest of the day doing laundry and cleaning the house. This is my break before I tackle the kitchen.

Kelsey is getting a nice little break from the girls right now. She is at my mom's house watching Phantom of the Opera, her favorite film. She has been applying to different jobs, and is hoping to start working soon. Like I said before, we love having her around, and the girls are rather thrilled too. She has been talking about what she wants to do as a career, and a pastry chef has come up in conversation, but you know how it is when you are 18. I don't understand how they expect kids that age to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives. I know I had no clue, and in some ways, still don't.

Ok, off to clean the kitchen. Jealous?

Oh, and by the way.....a special message for The Older Red...you know who you are....I can't even begin to list the ways that I am cool. There are far too many. In fact, I am so cool that I wouldn't mind doing dinner with you are the better half one of these YEARS! That's right....I said better half. Check your calender so we can finally line something up. And stop the whining. I don't want to hear it.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

All Hopes Dashed

A little hand held game appeared from somewhere. On it has 5 different casino type games...poker, blackjack, slots and such.....and every time I used the potty I would play a hand or two or ten. Sometimes slots, sometimes cards. Sometimes I was bold enough to do both! Oooooo....Ahhhhh! Then I decided to stick to slots because the highest payout I would get would be $50,000. I saw my total going up and up and down and up and down, I was getting pretty pumped since I saw my total was surpassing $400,000.....$700,000. I was on my way to getting $1,000,000 and I could hardly wait (I know, I know...I need to get out more). I wanted to be able to see that number and dream about what I would do with that money. Would I save a huge chunk? Would I buy crazy things like a $6000 shower curtain? I didn't know.

One fine day I looked at my total and it was at $999,999! What were the odds of that happening?!? All it took was one more win, and I would hit the million mark. What would I do with a million dollars? Lots! Lots I say!! I push the button and win $200! I look at my total. $999,999. What the hell? Where was my million dollars? I tried again, just in case there was a malfunction. I won $50,000 that time. I looked at my total. $999,999. Again. The stupid hand held game didn't go up to one million dollars.

It took me a few days to pick up that dream crushing contraption again. I am now trying blackjack, but the number 999,999 just makes me angry now. Unless of course it was real money, then I could force a smile.

Friday, September 14, 2007

What's Harder?

I have mentioned before that it is hard work to look cool driving a mini-van. Now I ask you this....Is it harder to look cool driving a mini-van or wearing orthotics? I will let you know in a week or so when my orthotics are back from the Orthotics-R-Us store. Until then I am rocking the mini-van look.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

I Can't Catch Up




Things have been so busy on my end of the world that I understand why I felt totally refreshed after sleeping 12 hours the other night. 12. That's all it took. Until the next week starts and I try to catch up with everything again.


A week ago Saturday, my mom and I drove down to Milwaukee to get my niece who is now living with us. We left on Sunday, so it was a tiring weekend just from the driving. She is getting settled, and now has a little one attached to her side. Nadia has a new best friend. They are all doing so well together, which is good, and slowly I am trying to get it through the heads of the girls that when Kelsey tells them something, they will listen. One day we will get there. Kelsey has been a huge help around the house, with us never having to ask her to do anything. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to come home from work and things are put away and there is Kelsey waiting to greet us. The next step is to find her a job, and then in the spring she will be going to the tech school here. She will get her generals done at a fraction of the cost, and then will have to decide what to do from there. I am doing what I can to guide her in a positive direction, but she really does make it easy.


Work has been nutty. I am pushing 30 hours of comp time and I am not sure when I will be able to use those, but time will tell. It was the first week of school last week for the district. To say things were crazy would be an understatement. I put in in extra 7 hours of work just last week alone. Tomorrow Claire is on her way to preschool, and Nadia is on her way the next day. I will have to keep writing things down just to keep it straight when what kids is going to school when and for how long and all that other jazz.


I am going back to the foot doctor tomorrow for an issue I don't think I have mentioned before, but this will be my 3rd visit. The last visit they gave me a cortisone show....IN......THE.....SIDE.....OF.....MY.....FOOT! I told her she got one shot (buh dump bump) and that was it. I will never do another cortisone shot in my foot ever again. There has been talk about surgery but we will see. I am going to see if I can get a copy of the x-ray of my foot and try and post it on here.


Ok, the girls are being naughty and they need to go to bed, so I must get going. I will try to be better at posting when things settle down a little bit for me. Later.