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Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Is This Heaven?

That is what Nadia asked me when we got to the top of the hill of the cemetery that my dad is in. She is such a thinker. What led up to us going to the cemetery was last night. I spent about an hour or so at bed time (well, past bed time) trying to comfort my crying daughters who miss my dad. The conversation went up, down, and all around. At one point, Nadia had a complete look of confusion while crying asking,

"How can there be people who do not believe in God? He made them! How can they not love Him?

She was so confused and sad. Claire asked me if after grandpa got to heaven, could he die again? They both pulled the 8 X 10 pictures they have of them and their grandpa off of the dressers and put them in bed with them. It was pretty much a heartbreaking night.

It's hard to believe that he died almost 2 years ago. I have very little memories of that summer. And the memories I have are mostly of him and how his body began to fail him. One night I drove to Rochester to hang out with him in the hospital. He acted mad that I drove an hour to sit in the room with him, but we talked more that night than probably our whole relationship. I asked questions and listened to his answers, not wanting to leave, but knowing I had a family at home who needed me too. I stayed there about 2 hours.

I remember the feeling of when he was cancer free and the horrible feeling shortly there after when the cancer was back in full force taking over his body. And as Forrest Gump would say,

"And that's all I got to say about that."

Damn it cancer! Get out of my life!

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