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Sunday, August 20, 2006

The Runner In Me

The part of me that likes to hide mentally from things that I feel are just too much, always rears its ugly head before a check up. Like now. There's nothing more that I want to do right now then just leave. Not for a long time or far away, I just want to be alone. I want to get away from everyone and everything, not because I don't love my family, but I am useless right now. I am not an effective mother, wife, or even owner of pets in the moment.

When I was in college, I used to get into my car and just drive when things got to be too much. Of course gas back then was about a buck a gallon, rather affordable. Oh how things have changed. I can't just run away from what I am thinking right now, I have responsibilities. I would like to say that Dion and I are going to sit down and talk about this, but we have been avoiding each other probably for that very reason. We are not mad at each other or anything like that, but we have traveled this road for the past 2 and a half years. I think to talk more about this would put me back to the time of the misdiagnosis, and I can't go back there right now. I am speaking for myself, but I believe Dion feels the same way.

Just when you think you have a pretty good handle on all of this cancer crap......

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