Today was the first day of our summer program, which is always kind of crazy. My neighbor works at a school in Wisconsin, and she has told me many times that I have the wrong kind of school job, and that I need to find one that has the summers off. I am starting to get it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being with the kids in the summer, but it is such a hectic time, and stressful, to say the least.
I took the girls to my parents house today to visit with Grandpa (Grandma is in WI). They had a good time and were pretty good for the most part. I decided to call Dion to see if he wanted to meet for dinner, and he did. I suggested Kings, which if you are ever in town you really ought to go there for their burgers. I have been there 3 or 4 times, but Dion has never been there before, so I thought he'd love it. He was pretty excited, and I believe he would have loved it if it were open on Mondays. Poor Dion. So back to town we went and tried a place called Bayview, which also has great burgers. And cheap. I guess they are too cheap though because they were closed too. Ok. Next! I suggested going to a new cafe down the road. Keep in mind that we were in different cars since Dion was coming from work. We drive down to the cafe. Closed. I gave up. We went to McDonald's (or Old McDonald's, as Claire calls it) and ate there. What a bust.
Tomorrow I am off to Mayo-land to get my monthly shot and to have my port flushed. Woo hoo! I can hardly wait for that one! I am pretty excited though to see some of my favorite Mayo staff, and maybe go to Sam's Club or something to at least try to be productive. I can't believe I ended treatment a month ago. I don't know where time has gone, but more than that, I haven't had the crash that I was expecting where treatment ended. At least not yet. I suppose there's time for those shenanigans still. I know that I have my check coming up in August, and a part of me wants to do it tomorrow. I want to know how things are going, if there are any changes. But every time I go into that office, the same thing is told to me...
"Everything looks great!"
But is that day coming when I am told something different? And do I even waste time worrying about that? I had a co-worker ask me today if I was going to get my port out soon. It's very hard to explain this to non-cancer people. I like to think of myself as a spiritual person, someone who believes in God and faith, who trys to follow the WWJD idea as much as I can. But when it comes to cancer, I lean more on the superstitious side. There's a little part in my that feels as soon as I get this port out, I am going to need it again. And isn't it even funny that I can't even write what I am thinking? I write "I am going to need it again" instead of saying "As soon as I get this port out, the cancer will return". There. I said it. Now I have probably jinxed myself, but so be it. Maybe I will live on the edge and not wear my lucky underwear to my check up appointment. Maybe I will let my guard down when I have testing done with the knowledge that it's gone and I am fine. Maybe I will not fear everything within my body but embrace it for what it really is...nothing. Maybe I will go to all of my appointments without Dion since there will be nothing to find anyway. Maybe I will find the purpose as why I was spared and get on with my life. Maybe. But probably not.
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