The Domino Effect

Done. I am done done done with medical professionals. Why you ask? What could make me so bitter, so upset that I have to blog about it? Easy folks. Sit back, grab a cup of joe, and let me tell you a little story called "Get to Know Sue Inside and Out".

I have been having cramping pain in my gut for almost a week now. As I stated earlier in this blog, I thought I had the flu again, which I did, but the cramping has been hanging around. So, being the dutiful patient that I am, I called my oncologist, who suggested that I get it checked out sooner than later. Which brings us to today. I made an appointment with my obgyn. Here's the thing with the cramps. Since I am in menopause induced chemically, I should not be having cramps. And that's what the cramping feels like. So I go in and they take my blood pressure....135/100!! Ok, chalk it up to nerves. They do it again after a bit....140/100...yikes, getting worse! I meet with the doctor, and we discuss everything, I mention that I know one of the drugs I am on can cause ovarian cancer and that is basically why I was there. We do part one of "Get to Know Sue Inside and Out". Nothing. She orders an ultrasound just to be sure. She takes my blood pressure again. And I quote, "It's still crappy."

She leaves the room to print the orders and comes back with an appointment with an Internal Medicine doctor to check everything out. Great. I head over there and get in right away, which was nice. I chat with the doctor about things, and at one point he asked if I was on an anti-biotic. I said no, but that I had finished one about 3 weeks or so ago. Hmmmm. I don't like "hmmmmm". That usually means something, and I don't like it when it means something.

He tells me he needs blood and urine. Nothing new. Been there, done that. Then he says this....

"And a stool sample."

What? Excuse me? Please tell me he said pool, or cool, or jewel. Why in the hell, and how in the hell?!? He explains that sometimes when a person takes an antibiotic, that along with killing bad bacteria, it kills the good bacteria, leaving a person with an infection in their bowel. That would be my luck. An infected poop shoot. I asked about diverticulitis, which is what happens to my mom, and he said that it would be rare in a person my age to have that. I paused and said that it was rare for a person of my age to have cancer. He said "Good point.".

So I got the blood and pee part out of the way, and they sent me home with a "Let's See How Embarrassed We Can Make You" kit. Now, I am going on record here. Keep in mind that I have had boobs removed, I have had new ones put back on, I have had new nipples created out of my own flesh, I have given birth twice, I get all of my yearly exams, and NOTHING compares to trying to get your own poop sample. All I could think was,

"Ohhhh the poor soul who has to open these bottles...."

It is sick and wrong wrong wrong. I went in for my ovaries, and there I was trying not to vomit and trying to remember which bottle had to go in the fridge. In the fridge. We put our food in there, not what happens to food after you eat it! Something was not right about that. So I made the trip back to the clinic to get those bio-hazards out of our house. I said to the lab lady, "Special delivery!". She didn't laugh. She certainly won't laugh when she opens those bottles. And now we wait.

I am never going to the doctor again.