I know it has been a while since I last wrote but I wanted to wait until things were settled with my dad. He has decided to start hospice, which is good for everyone involved. They will be coming in once a week to check on him and make sure his meds are at the level they need to be. They will offer support for not only him but for my mom too. The list goes on and on with what they provide.
Anyway, we will be spending Father's Day there tomorrow. I haven't talked about this fact to anyone, but those of you in blog land tend to get my feelings first anyway. There's something to be said about being able to put all of my thoughts down on here as opposed to talking about them in person. Even though I know there are a few people reading this, that doesn't bother me. Anyway, the thought going through my mind for the last month or so is that this will be the last Father's Day that I spend with my dad. What an odd and bothersome thought. The last the last the last.....I hate the thought of all of the "lasts". It's a double edge sword. I am treasuring this time that I am getting with him. Time to take to talk about things that we would never really talk about. If he died without warning, he wouldn't know half of the things that I have told him. But, the flip side is that I hate watching what he is going through. I hate hearing him say that he can handle the pain until it gets to a 5 out of 10. I hate so much of all of this.
My brother-in-law's wife's (would that be considered my sister-in-law?) dad died about a week ago. He too had cancer. Sometimes this great big world of ours seems so small. I told Dion that it was a strange thought to think that Bree's dad and my dad will die within weeks/months of each other. No matter what, it's not easy losing a parent. But Bree and I are lucky to have the husbands that we do. I knew that I was lucky before cancer came after my dad, and long before it came after me. He is my lifeline, my support, my best friend. I love him. So much.
Ok, this is much longer than I planned on it being....sorry about that. I just want to thank all of you for all of the support that I have been getting. Well, my family, I should say, has been getting. If I learned anything through my cancer crap, is that people truly want to help, they truly care. And that, my friends, is awesome.
2 comments:
You are facing all of this with courage and an openness that I think gives you the chance to experience it all fully, talk about the things you would never normally talk about, and I think that's great. I know it's not easy, but feel the support from "out there" and know you can get through it all.
Hugs,
Lori B. in NY (from SIS)
I'm sorry Sue. I know how you feel. My dad died last year, and my grandmother a couple weeks ago (as you know). How do you say goodbye to someone who has been there your entire life? My earliest memories include these people (and that time I ate an entire bottle of those orange vitamin C chewables, but that's another story). I guess time makes it easier. Perhaps.
We're thinking of you and your family.
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