So I had to include this picture of me and my sitz bath because I have been told over and over by one of my doctors that I HAD to get this and use it. As you can see, I am using it.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
3 Weeks to Go
I had my surgery three weeks ago this past Friday. I have three more weeks off of work, three more weeks until I can lift the girls (or anything over 10 pounds), three more weeks of too much thinking. Have you ever had that happen? I think I do better with stressful situations when I can bury my head in the sand, or work, or whatever and just not think. As you may or may not have guessed, there are some issues going on that have got my wheels turning, so, now I will share them with you in the event that you want to say a prayer for us etc.
Where to start....ok, about 5 or 6 weeks ago, my legs started hurting from below my knees all the way into my toes. It started out pretty mild, no big deal, but now is at a point where when the pain is at it's worst, I can feel each individual toe, and it sucks. So I went to my local doctor. She ran a B12, Lupus, Lyme's Disease, and an arthritis blood test. They all came back negative. You may be thinking to yourself, "Well, that's good news!" and it is, but it isn't since I have no clue what is causing the pain. One of my pet peeves in life is taking medication that covers what the cause of the pain is, so I am hesitant to do that, and really am a doctor's worst nightmare.....go ahead and ask any of them. So, where to go from here, you ask? I will tell you....
I called my oncologist to talk about a few things with him, mostly to talk about the results of the study that came out this past week dealing with the treatment of breast cancer. Here's the scoop on that....you are given a pathology report about your cancer that tells what stage you are, tells it's characteristics, sizes of the tumors etc. One of the things that gets tested with breast cancer is if you are her2 positive or not. Here's a little definition I found.....
What does it mean to be HER2-positive?
Each healthy breast cell contains two copies of the HER2 gene, which contribute to normal cell function. If something goes wrong in our bodies, a change can occur that causes too many copies of a certain gene to appear. This is referred to as gene amplification. If extra copies of the HER2 gene appear in a cell, the gene can cause too many HER2 proteins, or receptors, to appear on the cell surface. This is referred to as HER2 protein overexpression. Patients who are considered HER2-positive have HER2 gene amplification or HER2 protein overexpression. Cancers with too many copies of the HER2 gene or too many HER2 receptors tend to grow fast. They are also associated with an increased risk of spread.
Ok, so I tested positive for her2. It's a double edged sword...bad because of what is said above, good because I can be treated with Herceptin for a recurrence, if I have one. If I were her2 negative, I could not use Herceptin. The study that just came out basically said, if Herceptin works so well for a recurrence, how about trying it before that happens, almost as a preventative. And the results were pretty good. There are a lot of factors though, such as, a lot of the women were node positive (meaning cancer was found in the lymph nodes), which I was not. I talked with my onc about this, and he said that the American Cancer Institute is telling them to treat women who are her2 positive and have had chemo within the last 6 months with Herceptin. Next month will be 10 months since I finished chemo, and as my doctor said I fall into the grey area....again. It seems like everything with this damn cancer and I falls in the grey area. So, we will be talking more about that next month at my 3 month check. He did say that Herceptin is given weekly for a year. Something we would have to weigh out I guess.
Then I asked him about numbers. I wanted to hear what the chances of me getting cancer again would be. Some people want to know, some don't. I do. And here is what he said...
If I only had done surgery and radiation, there would be a 60% chance of the cancer coming back within 10 years. Lovely. But don't worry, I did more than just that.
I had surgery (twice), did chemo, radiation, and am taking a daily pill called Tamoxifen for about another 4 years. By doing all of that I dropped my rate down to 30%. Hmmm...seems to me that with how much I have done, how much I have been through, that number should be lower. And yes, I understand that there is a 70% chance that I will not get cancer again, and that is a high number, but....in school that was barely a C. Am I being too negative? Realistic? Stupid? God, I don't know anymore.
So, that's that. I asked for numbers and got them. There's something to be said about honesty, and that is what my doctors have been with me. What more could you ask for? Nothing, I suppose. I will close for now, that's most of the stuff that's been on my brain for the past few days, and it's nice to get them off of my chest. Onward and upward......
Where to start....ok, about 5 or 6 weeks ago, my legs started hurting from below my knees all the way into my toes. It started out pretty mild, no big deal, but now is at a point where when the pain is at it's worst, I can feel each individual toe, and it sucks. So I went to my local doctor. She ran a B12, Lupus, Lyme's Disease, and an arthritis blood test. They all came back negative. You may be thinking to yourself, "Well, that's good news!" and it is, but it isn't since I have no clue what is causing the pain. One of my pet peeves in life is taking medication that covers what the cause of the pain is, so I am hesitant to do that, and really am a doctor's worst nightmare.....go ahead and ask any of them. So, where to go from here, you ask? I will tell you....
I called my oncologist to talk about a few things with him, mostly to talk about the results of the study that came out this past week dealing with the treatment of breast cancer. Here's the scoop on that....you are given a pathology report about your cancer that tells what stage you are, tells it's characteristics, sizes of the tumors etc. One of the things that gets tested with breast cancer is if you are her2 positive or not. Here's a little definition I found.....
What does it mean to be HER2-positive?
Each healthy breast cell contains two copies of the HER2 gene, which contribute to normal cell function. If something goes wrong in our bodies, a change can occur that causes too many copies of a certain gene to appear. This is referred to as gene amplification. If extra copies of the HER2 gene appear in a cell, the gene can cause too many HER2 proteins, or receptors, to appear on the cell surface. This is referred to as HER2 protein overexpression. Patients who are considered HER2-positive have HER2 gene amplification or HER2 protein overexpression. Cancers with too many copies of the HER2 gene or too many HER2 receptors tend to grow fast. They are also associated with an increased risk of spread.
Ok, so I tested positive for her2. It's a double edged sword...bad because of what is said above, good because I can be treated with Herceptin for a recurrence, if I have one. If I were her2 negative, I could not use Herceptin. The study that just came out basically said, if Herceptin works so well for a recurrence, how about trying it before that happens, almost as a preventative. And the results were pretty good. There are a lot of factors though, such as, a lot of the women were node positive (meaning cancer was found in the lymph nodes), which I was not. I talked with my onc about this, and he said that the American Cancer Institute is telling them to treat women who are her2 positive and have had chemo within the last 6 months with Herceptin. Next month will be 10 months since I finished chemo, and as my doctor said I fall into the grey area....again. It seems like everything with this damn cancer and I falls in the grey area. So, we will be talking more about that next month at my 3 month check. He did say that Herceptin is given weekly for a year. Something we would have to weigh out I guess.
Then I asked him about numbers. I wanted to hear what the chances of me getting cancer again would be. Some people want to know, some don't. I do. And here is what he said...
If I only had done surgery and radiation, there would be a 60% chance of the cancer coming back within 10 years. Lovely. But don't worry, I did more than just that.
I had surgery (twice), did chemo, radiation, and am taking a daily pill called Tamoxifen for about another 4 years. By doing all of that I dropped my rate down to 30%. Hmmm...seems to me that with how much I have done, how much I have been through, that number should be lower. And yes, I understand that there is a 70% chance that I will not get cancer again, and that is a high number, but....in school that was barely a C. Am I being too negative? Realistic? Stupid? God, I don't know anymore.
So, that's that. I asked for numbers and got them. There's something to be said about honesty, and that is what my doctors have been with me. What more could you ask for? Nothing, I suppose. I will close for now, that's most of the stuff that's been on my brain for the past few days, and it's nice to get them off of my chest. Onward and upward......
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
You Can Call Me Frankenboob
I am two and a half weeks out of surgery and still doing pretty well. I have felt a little more sore the past few days, but still nothing like I thought it would be. So my plastic surgeon had me putting paper medical tape on my incisions...something about not being able to see the scars as much down the road. I have to laugh. My body really just looks like a road map, what does it matter at this point? From my boobs, to my tummy, to below my throat where the biopsy was to where the port was near my right shoulder. Lines everywhere. But, what one must keep in mind is, at least I am alive to look like a road map.
I am trying to keep my positive attitude up and running, but some days are worse than others. I have my next 3 month check next month, and that always brings a lot of feelings to the surface. Someone Dion works with is going to be having a biopsy done soon, and it just makes me so sad to think of that. I just keep meeting more and more people who are dealing with this disease one way or another and really, it's starting to piss me off a little bit (sorry about the language if you are offended). So, in honor of being pissed, sad, scared, and frustrated, here is my tribute to my "I hate cancer" fanclub.....come and join us for some b*tching!
When it comes to cancer, I hate.....
....needles. They hurt, they make my stomach drop, and I do an involuntary shiver when I think of them.
....when a doctor refers to something as a procedure. When I hear this terminology, I look for an exit. It's true. I had a nurse yell at me once when I stood up and went for the door.
....the fact that now my girls are at a higher risk of getting cancer. Blame game? Maybe, but how do you not?
....the fact that my husband has had to sit and watch cancer invade his life through me.
....narcotics. They hate me too, so it's fair.
....hot flashes. I used to think that they wouldn't be that bad since I am normally pretty cold, but oh my lord! I carry a little fan around in my purse with me. I can hardly wait until summer.
....being on 6 payment plans with two hospitals and four different medical offices.
....the unknown. Ok, I know that is generic, but I REALLY don't like it.
....the fact that my body feels like it's about 80 years old instead of 30. 30?!? When did THAT happen (Shut it Beth, you are still older than me!)?
....taking pills every day. Hell, I can hardly remember my name in the morning, let alone remember to take those pills!
....CT scans. Not the scan itself, but they inject something into you and I swear to God it feels like you just peed your pants. I was happy they warned me about that, because I think I would have cried at the thought that I had just peed on the table.
....cancer. Enough said.
Ok, I guess that's it for now. I asked Dion what were the things I complained about the most, and he didn't have a whole lot to offer to the conversation. He did say that maybe I should point out the positives too, but I told him that I had already done that before. Besides, we all have the right to get angry now and again, and today, I am angry. Or at least not too happy. But tomorrow is a new day, and thank God for that. Have a good one!
I am trying to keep my positive attitude up and running, but some days are worse than others. I have my next 3 month check next month, and that always brings a lot of feelings to the surface. Someone Dion works with is going to be having a biopsy done soon, and it just makes me so sad to think of that. I just keep meeting more and more people who are dealing with this disease one way or another and really, it's starting to piss me off a little bit (sorry about the language if you are offended). So, in honor of being pissed, sad, scared, and frustrated, here is my tribute to my "I hate cancer" fanclub.....come and join us for some b*tching!
When it comes to cancer, I hate.....
....needles. They hurt, they make my stomach drop, and I do an involuntary shiver when I think of them.
....when a doctor refers to something as a procedure. When I hear this terminology, I look for an exit. It's true. I had a nurse yell at me once when I stood up and went for the door.
....the fact that now my girls are at a higher risk of getting cancer. Blame game? Maybe, but how do you not?
....the fact that my husband has had to sit and watch cancer invade his life through me.
....narcotics. They hate me too, so it's fair.
....hot flashes. I used to think that they wouldn't be that bad since I am normally pretty cold, but oh my lord! I carry a little fan around in my purse with me. I can hardly wait until summer.
....being on 6 payment plans with two hospitals and four different medical offices.
....the unknown. Ok, I know that is generic, but I REALLY don't like it.
....the fact that my body feels like it's about 80 years old instead of 30. 30?!? When did THAT happen (Shut it Beth, you are still older than me!)?
....taking pills every day. Hell, I can hardly remember my name in the morning, let alone remember to take those pills!
....CT scans. Not the scan itself, but they inject something into you and I swear to God it feels like you just peed your pants. I was happy they warned me about that, because I think I would have cried at the thought that I had just peed on the table.
....cancer. Enough said.
Ok, I guess that's it for now. I asked Dion what were the things I complained about the most, and he didn't have a whole lot to offer to the conversation. He did say that maybe I should point out the positives too, but I told him that I had already done that before. Besides, we all have the right to get angry now and again, and today, I am angry. Or at least not too happy. But tomorrow is a new day, and thank God for that. Have a good one!
Friday, April 22, 2005
Two Weeks Ago Today
Well, I have to admit that I feel much better than I thought I would. I really thought that I would have to be in bed most of the time, in constant pain, blah blah blah, but it has been the opposite, for the most part.
Don't get me wrong, there were times of a lot of pain, but that was mostly when I was in the hospital. I seemed to have more problems there, than I have had at home (knock on wood). I was brought to tears a few times from the pain, I had an allergic reaction to we think the morphine, I spiked a 102 fever one night (my normal is 97, once it was 96.3...really, are you surprised?), and we won't talk about what general anesthetic and narcotics do to a person's digestive system except to say that I was saved by what my friend refers to as the Sophie Bomb (Sophie is her grandma who has concocted the bomb out of 4 oz prune juice and 2 tablespoons of Milk of Mag. She really should paten it or something. And might I add that "bomb" is a very accurate word.) So, because of my lack of digestion issues, I ended up staying 6 days instead of 4.
I had my first check yesterday, and was given the green light to drive...ha ha ha..get it? Green light? Drive? Come on! That's kind of funny! Anyway, I still have 4 weeks until I can lift the girls, which is a hard thing not to do. I get yelled at enough around here for anything I lift....plates, chairs, but my favorite is Claire's foam chair. It's foam. Enough said.
Ok, I will end for now. Claire decided that it would be a good idea to get up at 6 this morning, and now we are going to watch Charolette's Web, which really is not a very uplifting story, and quite frankly, I think she can be a little mean at times. But Claire said she wanted to watch "the pig" so we will. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers for me these past few weeks. I know that is why I am doing as well as I am.
Don't get me wrong, there were times of a lot of pain, but that was mostly when I was in the hospital. I seemed to have more problems there, than I have had at home (knock on wood). I was brought to tears a few times from the pain, I had an allergic reaction to we think the morphine, I spiked a 102 fever one night (my normal is 97, once it was 96.3...really, are you surprised?), and we won't talk about what general anesthetic and narcotics do to a person's digestive system except to say that I was saved by what my friend refers to as the Sophie Bomb (Sophie is her grandma who has concocted the bomb out of 4 oz prune juice and 2 tablespoons of Milk of Mag. She really should paten it or something. And might I add that "bomb" is a very accurate word.) So, because of my lack of digestion issues, I ended up staying 6 days instead of 4.
I had my first check yesterday, and was given the green light to drive...ha ha ha..get it? Green light? Drive? Come on! That's kind of funny! Anyway, I still have 4 weeks until I can lift the girls, which is a hard thing not to do. I get yelled at enough around here for anything I lift....plates, chairs, but my favorite is Claire's foam chair. It's foam. Enough said.
Ok, I will end for now. Claire decided that it would be a good idea to get up at 6 this morning, and now we are going to watch Charolette's Web, which really is not a very uplifting story, and quite frankly, I think she can be a little mean at times. But Claire said she wanted to watch "the pig" so we will. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers for me these past few weeks. I know that is why I am doing as well as I am.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
A Year Ago I Stopped Biting My Nails....
And now I have 3 long nails remaining....for now. Just thought I would share.
Holy cats!
So, instead of my list of things to do getting smaller, it seems to just keep growing! Today I am off to Mayo to get my shot...joy for everyone involved. Tomorrow night my work is taking me out for a nice dinner and a couple hundred drinks, Thursday night Dion and I are going to go see a movie (that's right, I said see a movie. I can't remember the last one we saw in a theater), and at the crack of dawn on Friday I go to the hospital. Throw into all of that mix working, taking care of the girls, laundry, cleaning, yadda yadda yadda, and the fun just does not stop.
I have my hospital bed ordered, I am in the process of putting my shower chair together, I need some extra pillows, but never fear! I have stocked up on goodies, and just call me Betty Crocker since I made brownies, chocolate chip cookies, and oatmeal cookies yesterday. It's almost like nesting when you are about to have a child, except I am getting new boobs. I call it "B-Day". Ok, I have to leave in about 15 minutes, and I want to post a picture of the girls, so I better stop for now. Say a prayer for me, or think good thoughts, whatever you do for those you love.
I have my hospital bed ordered, I am in the process of putting my shower chair together, I need some extra pillows, but never fear! I have stocked up on goodies, and just call me Betty Crocker since I made brownies, chocolate chip cookies, and oatmeal cookies yesterday. It's almost like nesting when you are about to have a child, except I am getting new boobs. I call it "B-Day". Ok, I have to leave in about 15 minutes, and I want to post a picture of the girls, so I better stop for now. Say a prayer for me, or think good thoughts, whatever you do for those you love.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
The Guys! The Guys!
I tell you, this is what I hear now on a daily basis from Claire. The Guys, in case you don't know, are the Incredibles (the movie). This was the first movie that Claire went to see with Dion, and she LOVED it. So much, in fact that now we have that movie, and all she wants to see are "The Guys". We all have to love something, huh?
Claire also had allergy testing done yesterday. Oh my gosh, she was great for it too! She has a fear anyway when we go to the doctor's office, but she did really well yesterday, and we got the wonderful news that she didn't have enough of a reaction to be classified as being allergic to dairy. WOOO HOOO!!! We can start introducing dairly very slowly to her, and that makes us oh so very happy. It will make out wallets happy too, since a half gallon of soy costs almost $3.00. It's good news all around!
I am down to 10 days until my surgery, and I need about 20 days more to wrap things up at work and get ready at home. I thought I was stressed before.....that was nothing. I wish I could get a grip on this, but I just can't seem to. Ok, no more on this subject. I will in true human fashion, bury my head in the sand and just go wash some clothes or something.
Claire also had allergy testing done yesterday. Oh my gosh, she was great for it too! She has a fear anyway when we go to the doctor's office, but she did really well yesterday, and we got the wonderful news that she didn't have enough of a reaction to be classified as being allergic to dairy. WOOO HOOO!!! We can start introducing dairly very slowly to her, and that makes us oh so very happy. It will make out wallets happy too, since a half gallon of soy costs almost $3.00. It's good news all around!
I am down to 10 days until my surgery, and I need about 20 days more to wrap things up at work and get ready at home. I thought I was stressed before.....that was nothing. I wish I could get a grip on this, but I just can't seem to. Ok, no more on this subject. I will in true human fashion, bury my head in the sand and just go wash some clothes or something.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Sunday, March 20, 2005
My Baby Turned One
I can hardly believe that a whole year has gone by! I can hardly believe that Nadia is one! We had a nice quiet celebration, well, as quiet as things can be with a one year old and a two and a half year old. Poor Nadia...Claire really felt that everything was hers, and the phrase of the night was "That's mine!" Did I mention that she's two?
This will be a birthday to remember though. This past Friday we got a nice snowstorm that dropped about 12-18 inches of the white stuff. Go figure this one out, about 2 hours north of us got about 2 inches. Not very often do you hear people say that they are going up north where there's no snow, but I actually heard someone say that on Friday.
My fear with Nadia's birthday was that it would have a sad tone to it, since just two days earlier was my 1 year cancerversary. I was afraid that it would be like "Yes, it's her birthday, but.....". I cannot say that I did not think about where we were a year ago, but there were not as many negative feelings as I thought there would be. So that was good. I can only imagine that in time it will improve too, so there's something to look forward to, right?
This will be a birthday to remember though. This past Friday we got a nice snowstorm that dropped about 12-18 inches of the white stuff. Go figure this one out, about 2 hours north of us got about 2 inches. Not very often do you hear people say that they are going up north where there's no snow, but I actually heard someone say that on Friday.
My fear with Nadia's birthday was that it would have a sad tone to it, since just two days earlier was my 1 year cancerversary. I was afraid that it would be like "Yes, it's her birthday, but.....". I cannot say that I did not think about where we were a year ago, but there were not as many negative feelings as I thought there would be. So that was good. I can only imagine that in time it will improve too, so there's something to look forward to, right?
Saturday, March 05, 2005
A quilt of memories
I usually have a hard time getting projects going for whatever reason, but I have been holding out on this one for a few months. I was pondering what I was going to do with all of my bandanas when my hair grew back. I decided on making a quilt. Now, keep in mind that the last time I used a sewing machine was in 7th grade when I made a hunter green sweatshirt, and not really a good one at that. I remember not really enjoying my time in home ec (go figure), so I wasn't sure how this project I decided to tackle would go. I was pleasantly surprised, and only bled once. My biggest fear in completing this was the fear that I was going to jinx myself. But, after thinking about it, I thought, hell, if I have to go through this again, the least I can do is buy myself some new bandanas. So, with no further ado....tahhhhhhh dahhhhhhhhh!! (see pictures below)
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Our Next Adventure
This week Dion and I went to the plastic surgeon to talk about boobs. We were there for about two and a half hours...there's a lot to talk about, size, accessories, when the fun will happen. Anyway, here's the scoop, the 411, all the dirty information.
I will be having my surgery on April 8th, a Friday. Really, what better way to end the week? It will be at 12:00 PM (I guess that means no lunch) and will take about 6 hours (I guess that means no dinner either. Well crap, you can't eat before, so I in general it means no meals for Sue on Friday. Have something good for me that day.). Now, keep in mind that I am not a doctor and I do not play one on TV either, so I will try to get all the right information out there, but don't quote me on it. Here it goes.
I will be using my own tissue instead of implants. That option went out the door when I did radiation, which is ok, but makes for a harder surgery. There are about 8 muscles we have in our belly. The ones that are called 6-packs are the ones they will be using. I have about a 1-pack, so the size I end up with will be interesting to say the least. They take those two muscles that run up and down, what I call my baby jello (fat), and the attached blood vessels and tunnel all of that up and under my skin in my abdomen to my chest. Then two incisions in my chest are cut and opened, and all of that fun stuff is pulled through to make new boobies. The incision from my tummy will be hip to hip, and you end up with almost like a tummy tuck type of thing. Drainage tubes, there will be plenty....4-6 of them, I think. I point this out because there is nothing I hate more than those dang drainage tubes. Pain, there will be an abundance of, but with the help of good drugs, I am hoping to keep that in control, or at least where I don't want to kill myself. The hospital stay will be anywhere from 4-7 days, recovery will be about 6 weeks. And now, the very sad part. My doctor would prefer that I go to his hospital instead of him coming here for the surgery. I will be about an hour and a half away from home, away from family, away from friends. I understand that it is for the better that I am there, but it is way out of my comfort zone. I know the staff here, I know the hospital, and really what helped me through the other surgeries was having friends and family close by, and now, well poop, I feel like I will be flying solo in the cities and that makes me sad. But, what do you do?
Anyway, I feel quite overwhelmed with all that has to be done before this last big step in my walk with cancer. From getting situated at work, to getting our house ready, to trying to figure out how we will do daycare for the girls, to figure out what Dion will do with work and trying to dealing with all of this. The poor guy leaves home at about 6:00 AM and gets home anywhere from 5:30-6:30 PM. So, does he work all day, drive an hour or so to the hospital to see me, sit with me for a bit, then drive another hour and a half to get home to take care of the girls and then start all over again? Grrrr....I have talked before about how, at least for me, that there is a lot of guilt that goes with having cancer, and this is a perfect example of that. I am frustrated, to say the least. I feel horrible for Dion, and he keeps telling me to not worry about it, but here I am worrying about it. Hmmm...any suggestions would be appreciated.
Ok, my dear dear husband is making us breakfast, so I have to go. I'll write more later. This too shall pass....this too shall pass.....this too shall pass.......
I will be having my surgery on April 8th, a Friday. Really, what better way to end the week? It will be at 12:00 PM (I guess that means no lunch) and will take about 6 hours (I guess that means no dinner either. Well crap, you can't eat before, so I in general it means no meals for Sue on Friday. Have something good for me that day.). Now, keep in mind that I am not a doctor and I do not play one on TV either, so I will try to get all the right information out there, but don't quote me on it. Here it goes.
I will be using my own tissue instead of implants. That option went out the door when I did radiation, which is ok, but makes for a harder surgery. There are about 8 muscles we have in our belly. The ones that are called 6-packs are the ones they will be using. I have about a 1-pack, so the size I end up with will be interesting to say the least. They take those two muscles that run up and down, what I call my baby jello (fat), and the attached blood vessels and tunnel all of that up and under my skin in my abdomen to my chest. Then two incisions in my chest are cut and opened, and all of that fun stuff is pulled through to make new boobies. The incision from my tummy will be hip to hip, and you end up with almost like a tummy tuck type of thing. Drainage tubes, there will be plenty....4-6 of them, I think. I point this out because there is nothing I hate more than those dang drainage tubes. Pain, there will be an abundance of, but with the help of good drugs, I am hoping to keep that in control, or at least where I don't want to kill myself. The hospital stay will be anywhere from 4-7 days, recovery will be about 6 weeks. And now, the very sad part. My doctor would prefer that I go to his hospital instead of him coming here for the surgery. I will be about an hour and a half away from home, away from family, away from friends. I understand that it is for the better that I am there, but it is way out of my comfort zone. I know the staff here, I know the hospital, and really what helped me through the other surgeries was having friends and family close by, and now, well poop, I feel like I will be flying solo in the cities and that makes me sad. But, what do you do?
Anyway, I feel quite overwhelmed with all that has to be done before this last big step in my walk with cancer. From getting situated at work, to getting our house ready, to trying to figure out how we will do daycare for the girls, to figure out what Dion will do with work and trying to dealing with all of this. The poor guy leaves home at about 6:00 AM and gets home anywhere from 5:30-6:30 PM. So, does he work all day, drive an hour or so to the hospital to see me, sit with me for a bit, then drive another hour and a half to get home to take care of the girls and then start all over again? Grrrr....I have talked before about how, at least for me, that there is a lot of guilt that goes with having cancer, and this is a perfect example of that. I am frustrated, to say the least. I feel horrible for Dion, and he keeps telling me to not worry about it, but here I am worrying about it. Hmmm...any suggestions would be appreciated.
Ok, my dear dear husband is making us breakfast, so I have to go. I'll write more later. This too shall pass....this too shall pass.....this too shall pass.......
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Friday, February 18, 2005
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