Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Toxic Friends-post #400!!

First, I must comment on the fact that this is my 400th post on this blog. If I were a talk show I would have back all of the crazy guests that made people write letters. I would certainly invite posts, "What The Hell?!?", "The Magic of Veet", and "Where Did I Go?" among others that were my personal favorites. But focus Sue focus. It's time to devote the appropriate time to post 400. So here it goes...

I makes me crazy that I cannot post on other blogs. Ok, I will admit, that in the past week I have not tried to post something, really because I go through all the work of writing and logging in, and typing the special code, all for naught. I swear I will try it soon, just not tonight. Anyway, I just read one of my favorite blogs to follow and had to follow up in my blog about the topic Amalia just wrote about. And toxic people is basically it, so here it goes.

If I have learned anything in this life of mine, it is this. I have learned that sometimes, things just don't matter. Sometimes I just don't have time for some people. Sometimes there are people who come into our lives (or are already there and we just don't see them for what they are) who are just plain old poison to us. Sometimes we are poison to other people, but it's easier to talk about the toxins in other people than ourselves, so we'll stick to that.
Although it may be hard, and sad, and depressing, you have to let go of those people. Some I realise are not that easy to let go of, whether it's a family member or maybe someone you work with, but most certainly you can look at your life and who is in it as "friends" and figure out who is doing more harm than good. This is not to be confused with that friend that you can call any time and both of you can complain about any and everything, that is therapeutic. Good for the soul, if you will. That's always good. But there are the people who are just so negative, who subconsciously seem to try and do you in. Just stop. Stop causing yourself pain that is not needed.

There have been a few friends who have left our lives since I was diagnosed with cancer. Not to worry, they probably don't read this, or even know it exists. I used to get upset at this, I used to try and re-connect, I used to feel bad about it. Do you know what I do now? I say "Oh well". I am lucky enough to have a few strong friendships who have seen my through hell and high water, and I know will continue to do so.

Take that step of disconnecting with caution as it will be painful at first. But no more painful than all of the times that "friend" has let you down. As Dion would say, "Quick like a band-aid."



Fran said...

Oh Sue how I needed to "hear" these words this morning. Long story short--I had a "friend" like this. We were perfectly fine and then one day she just stopped communicating. She didn't even know I had cancer until 3 months into treatment when she heard it through the grapevine. She called and gave me the obligatory, "How are you?", but then I never heard from her again.

She was a bit toxic and I knew that then, but I have struggled with her just stopping the friendship. I've never had anyone just stop being my friend with no explanation. It really has bugged me all these months, but you know, you're right. Let it go--quick like a band-aid. Thanks!

Blessings to you,

Amalia said...

Thank you, Sue, for "being on my side," as it were. I was wondering if I was just being oversensitive again, if I should just shut up and put up as I have for so many years. But you know what? I don't think I am. I think for the first time, I'm standing up for myself, putting myself FIRST for once. Thanks for letting me know that it's okay to do that.
PS Congrats on #400 - I'll eat a slice of pizza in your honor! :)