The Magic of Veet

I am sure by now you have seen all of the nifty commercials for Veet. They show a woman's leg with what looks like shaving cream on her leg, and she is making a zig zag pattern with what looks like a razor, but really isn't. Fancy. Painless. No cuts from razors, no ripping off of the skin with wax, total hair removal unlike what the electric razors do. But I will put in a plug here for an electric razor. It came in VERY handy when I was humungously pregnant and could not reach to shave myself. I really would not trust anyone to shave my legs with a razor, I have a hard enough time, so the solution was electric and Dion could shave my legs for me. What a guy!

Anyway, so I take the plunge and buy myself some Veet. "Refreshing" is the scent, if you are interested. In reality, it's not so much refreshing, as it is potent, with a dash of scent. That should have been my first clue, but I am not one to easily receive clues. So I read the directions, twice, since they make such a huge deal about open wounds, getting Veet in your eyes, the time frame to leave it on, and such. Another clue that escaped me was when they said to wash your hands IMMEDIATELY after applying the cream. Hmm. I did think for a moment why does one have to wash it off their hands so fast, but it can remain on your legs for up to 6 minutes? Ah, whatever. It did say to test a small area of your skin in case you had a reaction to it, but there's no time for testing! I need hair-free legs within the next few minutes. So I applied the cream and waited the directed amount of time. Pee-ewe! It stunk! I did feel some minor burning on the back of my, ahem, upper thighs. Have you seen the episode of Raymond where the bull is charging Robert and he gets stuck? He says it's in his upper thigh, everyone else says it's his butt. Dion called me Robert tonight. I used to think that episode was funny. Not so much anymore.

I take the fake razor and start "shaving". I was getting a little nervous about the burning, so I didn't even get to do the whole zig zag move like in the commercial. All I knew was that I needed that satan cream off of my legs, and I needed it off fast. Shave shave shave....burn burn burn....Ow ow ow! Holy crap! I had to get into the shower very fast to try and soothe the burning. My legs felt ok, but my upper thighs were still on fire. Crap. I had to go pick the girls up from daycare in five minutes. So I got dressed and ran up the stairs to locate the Dermaplast, which after having my kids worked wonders. It sort of numbs the area, which is what I desperately wanted. Spray spray spray. YEEEE-OWWWW! Why the hell was it burning?!? It was supposed to numb it! I had to grab toilet paper and try to blot off the Dermaplast. Now I was down to about 2 minutes before I had to get the girls. So I did just that, and tried not to whimper with every step I took.

When Dion got home, he had a job. I had saved some of my radiation gauze strips, and I needed them oh so bad. He had the fun job of putting them on my butt, whoops, I meant upper thighs. Ahhhh.......

So here I sit with less, but some pain, cursing the Veet company, and dreading tomorrow when I have to pull the medical tape off of myself. Which is lesser of two evils? I'm not sure at this point. I do know that I will retire my can of Veet, and there has to be something I can do with the fake razor thing. Squeegee some small windows, or something. So it's back to the good old razor and soft soap, until they come up with some other new product that I HAVE to try.