What the hell?!?

So I am in the basement trying to find the title to the van we want
to sell (hard to sell without it) and I am going through so much
CRAP in our files trying to find it. You'd think I would put it
neatly into a nice hanging file folder and label it "van title" but
what fun would THAT be? Onward...so my husband is "watching" the
girls (Claire will be 3 in Sept, Nadia turned 1 in March) but mostly
playing on the computer. They are in the dining room, he is in the
living room. All of a sudden he screams downstairs for me to come
up, it's an emergency.

I RUN up the steps and burst into the dining room to see Nadia
sitting in one of the book shelves (I got tired of cleaning up books
and took them out, so now the girls sit there and play). Her hair
looks a little funny, but what's new? Ok. What's the worry? Then I
see Dion chasing Claire around yelling, and she of course is
laughing. She pauses long enough to stick her hands down into her
pull-up and pulls out POOP that sticks to her fingers until she
shakes her hand and it flies all over. The dog is following her
around EATING THE POOP THAT IS FLYING THROUGH THE AIR!!!! At this
point I look back at Nadia and I understand why her hair looks
funny. Little miss Claire rubbed poop all over Nadia's head. What
the hell?!? (hence the title of the subject) Dion informs me that he
kind of was watching them and they were playing quietly. Quietly. We
all know what it means when kids are playing quietly. So it's off to
the bathtub. I washed the poor child's hair 4 times and she still
smelled like poop. Oh lord.

Ok, so everything quieted down, I put the kids in bed and came
downstairs to clean up a little, when Dion sprinted through the
living room screaming like a little girl saying the
following, "There's a bat in the house!!!!!!!!". Every once in a
while he hit the deck when the bat swooped down at him. I had to
cross my legs so I wouldn't pee my pants laughing at him. Tears
flowed openly, and you know that laughter where it really just hurts
and you can't get any air, but you don't care? Yup, that was me. He
took the towel from me, and I was left with a blanket that had
Claire poop on it from before. Great. I held the blanket up to try
and trap the bat, while my partner in crime would roll the towel up,
randomly throw it through the air, and take off running and
screaming. The bat made it's way upstairs, back down, back up, with
us following. And by "us" I mean I had to go first as Dion was not
able to scream upstairs due to the children sleeping. So when the
bat dive bombed him upstairs I would hear this hushed "OOOOOOOOOOO!"
I could not stop laughing. I have to add here that at one point the
darn thing hid behind a clock. Since I could not reach it, I told
Dion he had to get the clock down. He did not like that idea so
much, so he left the room and came back with a can of air freshener.
Interesting. I do have to say though that the bat flew out from
behind the clock after being sprayed.

I finally got the bat into the upstairs bathroom, grabbed him with a
towel and took him outside. Fly, be free you sick little dive bombing
bat! And that is how our night went. I never did find that title.....