It has been a while since I blogged, so, since I have about a half an hour until I have to get the girls up, I thought I would use this time and be productive.
I had my second and third treatments of Herceptin and I am so happy to say that they went well. Other than a little headache and being a little tired, there's nothing worth telling. I got the blasted port put back in for treatment....fun for everyone. My doctor threatened to leave it in for five years because of the difficult time she had putting in back. I threatened to take it out myself and we had a good laugh. Me....the one who gets happy drugs BEFORE going into the operating room, me, the one who gets a little faint at the sight of fresh scars, me, the one who pees and moans about every little ache and pain. Yeah, right, I'll take it out myself....ha ha ha. But really, I HATE ports, hence the reason I had her take it out a month after chemo was done. We'll see what happens after the 48 weeks is over.
Oh my. I sat here thinking apparently too long because the screen saver came on. I better get typing. So here's the thing, I was talking to one of my friends about really nothing specific, when we touched on the fact that I have a hard time sitting down and relaxing and doing nothing. For example, this past Friday I got both of the girls laying down for a nap at the same time. I thought to myself, boy, I could watch a WHOLE movie at one time! As fast as that thought came into my head, I was out in the garage getting the lawn mower out and priming the hell out of it. I cut the grass, trimmed, and watered the plants (by the way, I have only missed one day of watering, a HUGE milestone for me as all my plants seem to die every year due to lack of water. Opps.). I went back into the house and sat down. I turned the tv on for about 3 minutes, then called my mom. I cannot sit still anymore. It is physically impossible. So where am I going with this? Well, the friend who I mentioned above has a theory, which may or may not hold water, but since she is my doctor too, and has seen many many woman with breast cancer, I might give her the benefit of my doubt (yeah, I know, Beth...better write this in you little tip calculator/palm pilot). Her theory is that I am living as though I still have cancer and feel the need to get everything done before I die. I suppose there is some truth to that. I believe that there are other factors though, such as I have spent so much of this past year and a half (almost) unable to do things. Sitting around, watching others care for me and my kids. I have missed 14 weeks of work during all of this fun. I look back a year ago and I was bald, doing chemo, feeling so crappy, and unable to do fun summer stuff. I need to make up for lost time with Dion, the girls, and my family. I owe it to them, they helped get me through this to where I am today. My friend said "You HAD cancer. Had had had." And yeah, I did have cancer. I just have to find and believe somewhere in my heart that I am going to live a long time. I was told over and over that it will take at least 2 years to start feeling normal again. I have decided that who I was as a person before cancer, is gone. There is no normal anymore. There is only new, and I think that's ok, but we'll see.
Now I have to get the girls up for daycare. My summer program is starting at work today, and I think we are going to have a good season. We have a lot of field trips planned, lots of swimming days, and my staff is ready and excited. Here we go....
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