This Day Today

I cried today. I was thrown back to my diagnosis and cried just as hard. My dad was told today that he has cancer. For anyone reading this who is in contact with my parents, I ask that you do not call them yet. My dad is trying to get into Mayo next week and they have no answers what-so-ever right now. This is what we know:

His chest and abdomen CAT scan show that he has fluid in his abdomen and his spleen. There is a destructive lesion on his 6th rib, and another lesion the size of a small pancake on the side of his chest. They cannot tell where the primary is, or even what kind of cancer it is until a biopsy is done at Mayo. That is why there are no answers available. This is what I do know:

This sucks. I am afraid of what my dad is going to have to go through. I am afraid of what my mom is going to go through. I look at my girls and start to cry at the loss that they are going to have. Nadia is her grandpa's girl. I talked to them a little bit tonight about cancer, and they know about death and heaven already, and while I think they understand it as much as they can, I don't want them to have to deal with it. When my parents dog was put to sleep we talked a lot about death and heaven. I got them books about losing a pet and we still read it even though it's been over a year since Spark died. Cancer is a harder thing to explain. I don't even know if there is a right and wrong way of doing it. Sigh....

Something else I know is this, my dad and I didn't have the best relationship when I was growing up. They moved to our town 5 years ago this summer. In these five years he and I have become closer than we have ever been. That is not to say that we don't disagree on some things because we do, but our relationship is so much more solid then it was. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that he has had the chance to get to know my daughters and husband well. I love to watch Nadia climb up in his lap and just snuggle under his chin. Some may say that I am not being positive about this whole cancer thing. But I have said it many times before...hope for the best, prepare for the worst. I am realistic, but hopeful.

We are on this walk again with cancer, the second time in 4 years, one step at time, one day at a time, many prayers all the time. I have no idea what path we will be walking, or for how long. I don't know what the future holds, but I tell you what, it was much easier being the person to say "I have cancer" than to hear those horrible words from someone you love. I will update when I know more. Until then, please say some prayers or think some good thoughts for my family. We certainly will need them.