Super Stars Get it Too

You may or may not have seen in the news that Sheryl Crow has joined the sister club of breast cancer. Here's a little something about her diagnosis.....

"Sheryl Crow underwent successful minimally invasive surgery for breast cancer on Wednesday February 22nd. Her doctors confirm her prognosis as excellent and she will receive radiation treatment as a precaution. "

Wow. It sounds as though Sheryl should be skipping down the road, singing a little ditty about how great life is. So what is wrong with the rest of us sisters who obsess about cancer and it's return? Why are we so weak and these super stars are so strong? Because folks, the reality is this, we live in a "feel good" world. We need for everyone to feel good about everything, and how can we do that when we are looking cancer in the face, except to downplay it and pretend that life is a bowl of cherries. I am guilty of it too. I said to a friend yesterday that if I showed on the outside how I felt on the inside, no one would want to be around me.

"But you feel good, right?"

Ugh. I am so tired of that phrase. I felt good when I had three tumors in me too. Let's break this down a little bit, shall we? "But you feel good, right?" Do I feel good.....hmm...let's see....

*I see myself everyday, my body looks like a road map. Yep, I feel good about that...check.

*I have been (and still am) going through treatments for about 2 years. Yep, that's
wonderful....check.

*I may or may not have a mutated breast cancer gene which would give me insight on
future cancers, but insurance won't pay the $3000 it costs for the test. Yep, that's a warm
fuzzy..check.

*All it takes is for that one little cancer cell left behind from treatment to wake up and start this
all over again, a fear that I have to live with the rest of my life. Yep, that's a GREAT
feeling...check.

*The thought that I have put my kids at risk, I have passed on my blue eyes, my long legs, and
my cancer. Yep, I sleep well at night thinking about that...check.

*The thought that all of the treatment I have, and am, receiving can cause a totally different cancer. Yep, that's uplifting....check.

*Do we really want to dive into the thoughts of a woman who has lost both breasts? Yep, that's
an upper.....check.

I could go on and on. I guess the point of my rants and raves is that the media makes it seem like breast cancer is an easy disease to beat, and once you are done with treatment, life is back to normal. Just when I think I am at a point where I feel ok about everything my body has been through, something happens and it throws me not back to square one, but more like to square three. Just when I think I have a handle on cancer, it squeezes tighter around me.

I am going to a retreat in April for breast cancer survivors under the age of 40 (thanks to Beth). And to be honest I have a lot of mixed emotions about it. I am scared, excited, nervous, thrilled, sad, and happy, all at the same time. But I am determined to learn new things and have a good time.

But I have to close because of course it's Tuesday, and I have to go to Mayo for frickin frack treatment. Treatment treatment treatment cancer treatment.