Power

Power: vigor; force; strength; a person or thing having great influence.

It is amazing what we let have power in our lives. How much control do we have? How much do we want? When I heard the word "power", I thought of things that were not only strong, but positive. All-powerful God, being strong, in control and such. In the past year and a half, the definition of power has not changed for me, but the context has. I try to not let my cancer have power over me, but lately I have found that to be an easy thought to have, but much harder task to do. Power. Control. Influence. Cancer.

In the past two weeks I have had numerous tests done. An MRI of my head because of headaches, an endometrial biopsy, and a biopsy of an area on my cancer side boob that was thickening. I used to think that the actual testing was the worst part since I am somewhat of a big old baby, but the waiting is the kicker. Hurry up and wait. And while you wait, you feel the control slipping away and landing in the lap of cancer. The "what if's" add up fast, and you try to not think about things such as losing your hair, rearranging work to do chemo, how you're going to tell your family that once again your body has failed you and the cancer has returned. Go ahead and say that cancer does not have any power over a person, but you would be wrong. The big question is what can you do with that lack of power? I suppose there are volunteer programs, and even the simple act of this blog. I guess the goal is to try and move the power into a positive direction. I will be the first to admit that I really don't have any answers. I do know that this past year and a half has been long, and it has been hard to muddle through at times, but we've made it. Not without worry and doubt, but we still have made it.

As far as my test results go, everything came out fine. The MRI showed nothing in my brain (hold the jokes, I have already heard them...comedians), the endometrial biopsy came back negative, and the thickening in my boob was necrosis, normal from radiation and TRAM surgery. I remember being told when I was diagnosed that it will get better and I won't think about cancer every day. At that time I thought, "Yeah, easy for you to say, I will NEVER not think about it all of the time." I am happy to say that now, I don't think about it all of the time, but I still worry every day what the future holds for me and my family. I worry about my husband not having a wife, my daughters not having a mom, my parents losing a child and my brothers and sister losing a sibling. How's that for power?

Dion just said that this was not a positive ending, and usually I am more positive. So I will end with this....



Why females should avoid a girls night after they are married...


The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well,
the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3
a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the
cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly,
realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9
times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible
conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got
in, and I told him "Midnight." He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew!
Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When
I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three
times, then said, "Oh sh*t.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then
tripped over the coffee table and farted."



Thanks for the joke Beth!