The 12 Months of Cancer--An Ode to My Breast Cancer

(Sung to the tune of The 12 Days of Christmas, but the events may not have actually happened on that corresponding month, but the incident numbers match up....cut me a break here)

In the 1st month of cancer my doctor gave to me, a happy colonoscopy

In the 2nd month of cancer, my doctor gave to me, two brand new boobies, and a happy colonoscopy.

In the 3rd month of cancer, my doctor gave to me, three chemo nurses, two brand new boobies, and a happy colonoscopy.

In the 4th month of cancer, my doctor gave to me, four painful mammos, three chemo nurses, two brand new boobies, and a happy colonoscopy.

In the 5th month of cancer, my doctor gave to me, fiiiiiiive weeks of radiation, four painful mammos, three chemo nurses, two brand new boobies, and a happy colonoscopy.

In the 6th month of cancer, my doctor gave to me, six different fluid drains, fiiiiiive weeks of radiation, four painful mammos, three chemo nurses, two brand new boobies, and a happy colonoscopy.

In the 7th month of cancer, my doctor gave to me, seven study injections, six different fluid drains, fiiiiiiive weeks of radiation, four painful mammos, three chemo nurses, two brand new boobies, and a happy colonoscopy.

In the 8th month of cancer, my doctor gave to me, eight different body scans, seven study injections, six different fluid drains, fiiiiive weeks of radiation, four painful mammos, three chemo nurses, two brand new boobies, and a happy colonoscopy.

In the 9th month of cancer, my doctor gave to me, nine tumor marker tests, eight different body scans, seven study injections, six different fluid drains, fiiiiive weeks of radiation, four painful mammos, three chemo nurses, two brand new boobies, and a happy colonoscopy.

In the 10th month of cancer, my doctor gave to me, ten different prescriptions, nine tumor marker tests, eight different body scans, seven study injections, six different fluid drains, fiiiiiive weeks of radiation, four painful mammos, three chemo nurses, two brand new boobies, and a happy colonoscopy.

In the 11th month of cancer, my doctor gave to me, eleven hundred blood draws (ok, that might be slightly high, but it felt like 1100!), ten different prescriptions, nine tumor marker tests, eight different body scans, seven study injections, six different fluid drains, fiiiive weeks of radiation, four painful mammos, three chemo nurses, two brand new boobies, and a happy colonoscopy.

In the 12th month of cancer, my doctor gave to me, twelve weeks of chemo, eleven hundred blood draws, ten different prescriptions, nine tumor markers, eight different body scans, seven study injections, six different fluid drains, fiiiiive weeks of radiation, four painful mammos, three chemo nurses, two brand new boobies, and a happy colonoscopy!



So there you go. Print this up and take it carolling for the next holiday season. Make them sing along, it'll be fun!