You Can Call Me Frankenboob

I am two and a half weeks out of surgery and still doing pretty well. I have felt a little more sore the past few days, but still nothing like I thought it would be. So my plastic surgeon had me putting paper medical tape on my incisions...something about not being able to see the scars as much down the road. I have to laugh. My body really just looks like a road map, what does it matter at this point? From my boobs, to my tummy, to below my throat where the biopsy was to where the port was near my right shoulder. Lines everywhere. But, what one must keep in mind is, at least I am alive to look like a road map.

I am trying to keep my positive attitude up and running, but some days are worse than others. I have my next 3 month check next month, and that always brings a lot of feelings to the surface. Someone Dion works with is going to be having a biopsy done soon, and it just makes me so sad to think of that. I just keep meeting more and more people who are dealing with this disease one way or another and really, it's starting to piss me off a little bit (sorry about the language if you are offended). So, in honor of being pissed, sad, scared, and frustrated, here is my tribute to my "I hate cancer" fanclub.....come and join us for some b*tching!

When it comes to cancer, I hate.....

....needles. They hurt, they make my stomach drop, and I do an involuntary shiver when I think of them.

....when a doctor refers to something as a procedure. When I hear this terminology, I look for an exit. It's true. I had a nurse yell at me once when I stood up and went for the door.

....the fact that now my girls are at a higher risk of getting cancer. Blame game? Maybe, but how do you not?

....the fact that my husband has had to sit and watch cancer invade his life through me.

....narcotics. They hate me too, so it's fair.

....hot flashes. I used to think that they wouldn't be that bad since I am normally pretty cold, but oh my lord! I carry a little fan around in my purse with me. I can hardly wait until summer.

....being on 6 payment plans with two hospitals and four different medical offices.

....the unknown. Ok, I know that is generic, but I REALLY don't like it.

....the fact that my body feels like it's about 80 years old instead of 30. 30?!? When did THAT happen (Shut it Beth, you are still older than me!)?

....taking pills every day. Hell, I can hardly remember my name in the morning, let alone remember to take those pills!

....CT scans. Not the scan itself, but they inject something into you and I swear to God it feels like you just peed your pants. I was happy they warned me about that, because I think I would have cried at the thought that I had just peed on the table.

....cancer. Enough said.

Ok, I guess that's it for now. I asked Dion what were the things I complained about the most, and he didn't have a whole lot to offer to the conversation. He did say that maybe I should point out the positives too, but I told him that I had already done that before. Besides, we all have the right to get angry now and again, and today, I am angry. Or at least not too happy. But tomorrow is a new day, and thank God for that. Have a good one!